Life — November 3, 1887 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A RARE GIFT. «€ [VE got a poem,” he said, when he had secured the attention of the editor, “My dear sir, that pigeon-hole is filled with poems awaiting publi- cation,” “ But this describes the virtues of the Double-Decked Soap, and I will pay $1 line to have it printed,” said the author. ‘“Ah, charming! I'm glad to see you turn your attention to verse. I wish all had your gift."—7¥4-Bits, DISTINGUISHED FOREIGNER: Yes, I have traveled a great deal in this country, and I cannot help wondering why your government does not catch these train robbers and lock them up. AMERICAN: Have you met train robbers ? “Plenty of them ; they're everywhere, it seems to me, but I must say they are very polite for highwaymen.” “ Polite?” “Very; and I notice, too, that they are all colored men.” “Oh, those are not train robbers; those are porters."—Omaha World, OVERHEARD at the card-room at the club, where four grave and silent gentlemen are seated at whist. Enter Dumley. Dumtey : Aha, gentlemen, playing whist ? Gricson (looking up, rather wearily) : No, Dumley ; we are play- ing four-handed solitaire !—Boston Transcript. 253 THE PARLOR FLOOR 1S MORE ‘'SWELL.” “There's plenty of room at the top.” Is there, my boy? Oh, no; that's only some more of the wise man's encouraging nonsense. There’s less room at the top than anywhere else in.the whole pyra- mid. Unless society is built upside down, there is the most room at the bottom. There's only room for one at the top. Look at our own country; ‘50,000,000 of people at the bottom and middle, and only one President atthe top. Fhat’s the way the world over; tnillions of subjects and only one king. If you want lots of room and plenty of company, you stay at the bottom with the rest of us. Mighty lonely and narrow at the apex.—Burdette, HOW HE CAME OUT. “ Yes, these mining schemes are very uncertain,” remarked a trav- eling man who had returned from the far West. “Sometimes they pay very high. “That's a fact, but take my advice and let ‘em alone.” ++ Ever have any experience with them 2” “Yes; invested three thousand dollars in a Colorado mine.” “ And did you realize anything ?” “Yes, sir; I realized for the seven hundred and sixty-second time that I always was a blamed fool in business matters."—AMerchant Traveller. NOT AN AMERICAN DRINK. A TRAVELING man from this country went into what the signboard indicated was an American restaurant. During his meal he asked for a glass of water. “Beg pawding, sir?” said the waiter. want a glass of water." “Very sorry, hi hassure you, but since Buffalo Bill has been ‘ere we honly serves Hamerican drinks."—Aerchant Traveller, LAr Some Prefer One Color, Some Another, LADIES’ 17 Temple Place, Boston, and Cor. Fifth Ave. and West /4S¢ NY Copyvmicxrup. CELEBRATED HATS| ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., naw vorK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnat St., Phila. XIMBALL’S SATIN FRRAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit’ Maker and Hatter, NEW YORK, 19 East 2/st St., 2d door East of Broadway LONDON, SH} JAMES PILE & CO. 288-200 Kogent St. Straight Cut Cigarettes, People of refined taste who desire exceptionally fine cig- arettes should use only our | Straight Cut, put up in satin packets and boxes of tos, 208, Son, and 1008. 14 Prise Medals. ‘WM. 8, KIMBALL & CO. TTA THE BEST VALUE. NEWPORT, 176 Bellevue Ave. SILKS FOR SALE BY LEADING HOUSES. -REGA This Wine, of a bright crimson or Ruby color, exceptional merit in all the characteristics of | dryness, mellowness of flavor and delicacy of fragrance, | being the choicest product of the Champagne country. | It is the only red Champagne in the market, and can be tried at the Hoffman House, Delmonico's and other first-class places, Sold by the leading grocers, H. P. FINLAY, 117 Pearl Street, New York. Sole Agent for U. S. and Canada. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 36 Wast esru Srazet, New Yorx. For Sate sy Davocisrs, on Man, $1.00, comicbooks.com