Life — September 15, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE - PAT SERS A WL ORIENTAL LONGINGS. OLD XEWGOLD (as been having a summer-house built on his Lake Champlain place, and has been reading up on Turkish architecture, so as not to be tmposed on by his architect): You've got the dome and the minnyret and the haremarches ail right, Mr. Squares, but I don’t see no dervish. Build one ‘r them on before I come up again, and pat up a covered seraglio leadin’ down to the water, — Puck. ‘Tuee Frenchmen, who were studying a volume of Shakespeare in their native language, endeavored to translate into English the opening to Hamlet's soliloquy, * To be, or not to be.” ‘The following was the result : First FRexCHMaN : ‘To was, or to am.” To where, or is not.” “To should, or not to will." —Christian Register. ‘Patsy, Oi've been insulted. said an excited Irishman, ‘An’ phwat are yez goin’ to do about it?" “:Tdon't know. "Phwat would you do av ye wor me?” “Well, Dinny, I think -Oi'd tell the troot’ oftener.— Washington Micky Doolan called me a liar,” 153 “Father, I have committed I dare not say it; it is too grievous,” Come, come, courage.” ‘1 have married a Prussian.” ‘Keep him, my daughter. That's your penance."—French Wit, CouNtRYMAN (fo dentist): | wouldn't pay nothin’ extry fer gas. Jest yank her out if it does hurt, Dentist: You are plucky, sir, Let me see the tooth. CountRYMAN: Oh, ‘taint’ me that’s got the toothache wife, She'll be here in a minute.—7roy Telegram, “THe failures in Great Britain during the first six months of the year aggregate 2,913." observed the horse editor. Does that include Tennyson's Jubilee Ode?" asked the snake or. — Pittsburgh Dispatch, WHEN SHE MUSES, LOOK OUT. AN Alsatian woman goes to confess. a great sin.” ‘Well? 's my * Papa, how do they catch monkeys?" inquired Willie, who had been to the menagerie, * The best way nowadays, I think, is by means of a double-barreled bustle and triple size cart-wheel hat and a fancy parasol." Yes,” remarked Willie's mother, musingly, "1 used to be v much addicted to those little foibles before we were married. Washington Critic. A CHANGE OF SENTIMENT, Deasey : He's wan o' th’ foinest bur-r-ds iver imporrted. tek tin dollars fer him thish minute. Cleary gev me him down on th’ dock, It's moultin’ he is at prisint, but prisintly he'll kim out thot shparklin’, yez'll hev ter shade yure oyes phin ye— Parrot (breaking in suddenly and with tremendous emphasis) : Shoot the pope !! ! Vd not Critic. We are children who cheerfully join in the chorus When AER aR Saab sre Gama te all the rest, | So she knows itsthe best. ‘And we laugh with delight when she atbers it oer us. ‘Lhe Ladies’ Favorite.” Pure. Purifying. Emollient. A luxury for shampooing. Cures Skin} Diseases. THE PACKER MFG. CO, 160 Fulton St., New York. RICH, EXTRA ORY, OR BRUT. = DuVivierxCo. 49 Broao St, New York. BRaANoies &c. a PREIS Fine Wines, Deasey (promptly): Git th’ axe, Honorah !—/udge. CELEBRATED HATS AnD LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. a a XIMBALL S SATIN een iieaae, Straight Cut Cigarettes. TE GMEPNE People of refined taste who \ Bah Straight Cut, put up in satin i \ ‘\ packets and boxes of tos, 208, $08,.and 1008. 14 Prise Medals. arettes should use only our LVRS desire exceptionally fine cig- f WM. 8. KIMBALL & CO. FERAKAVER LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, & NEW YORK, 19 East 21st St., ad door East of Broadway LONDON, E & CO. 288-200 Regent St. NEWPORT, 176 Bellevue Ave. PENCE RIAN ELECTED PENS | | sie Z dee id STEEL PE NS Ivison, Blakeman & Co. POST PAID, TWENTY-FIVE CT. ‘Are the Best. | 763 & 755 Broadway, NEW YORK. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 96 Wasr astu Sreaxt, New Yor For Sata sv Devccists, on Mar, $1.00. comicbooks.com