Life — August 18, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SPAT SeWSORS AT NLL OMMISSIONER: On what ground do you claim a pension ? + Were you in the army ? Appiicant: Oh, no; the war was all over before I was born. But I've had my mind all lacerated and torn up and confused like readin’ the magazine war articles. Com missto All right; I see. insane asylum,—Aurdette. I'l give you a pass to the 97 A GOOD FINANCIAL OU1LOOK, “Tam determined to be embalmed when I die,” remarked the oung man that boards on South Division Street. ‘I've been read- ing that they can inject poison into you and wrap you up, and take you out in 3,000 years’ time fresher than Lazarus. They tell me a mummy 3,000 years old is worth $25,000, and as it's the only chance Til ever have of being worth that much, I'm going to clutch on to the mummy act when I die,” and the irreverent young man resumed his corncob in silence.—Buffalo Courter. New Yorxer: ‘What fresh air you have out here! It's so much fresher than in New York.” FARMER: ‘Jess so! That's jest what I was saying to my old woman. Why ain't all the big cities built out in the country ?"— Texas Siftings. A Lapy who is famous among her friends for the correctness with which all her social duties are performed, and who is particular in attending to all the details of intercourse with her acquaintances and friends, was recently put in an amusingly awkward ion by the stupidity of a servant. A neighbor being dangerously ill, this lady one morning sent her new maid over to inquire concerning her Sue kissed her pug—with haste arose And rained upon that creature's nose A storm of osculations sweet ; The Swell reclining at her feet Remarked, as he looked sidewise up, “T wish that I'd been born a pup.” Then smiling coldly from her throne She said, And were you born full-grown ?"—Ex. .” she said, ‘‘and inquire how Mrs. X. is this morning, ¢ is dead,” she added, as the girl started, “task when the to be.” The messenger went as directed, and soon returned with the air of one who has done her whole duty. d is better this morning,” was her report, ‘and they cannot tell when the funeral will be."—Boston Courier, Tuk newspapers are discussing the question who controls a car window—the person who sits beside it or the person who sits behind it. In most cases nobody controls the window. Even the brakeman and conductor can't manage it.—Lowell Courter. Linrarian (recording the condition of a. book): Page 47 a hole AN exchange asks: ** Does etiquette demand a vest on a hot day ? (turns the leaf), page 48 another hole.—Fliegende Blatter. If it does it can have ours."—ANorristown Herald. KRAKAUER | LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, ¢e Bellevue Ave., Newport AnD CELEBRATED HATS AnD LADIES' ROUND HATS. ‘ 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YorK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. - ao 49 Bast 24st St., N.Y. jo She knowsitSthe best, And we laugh with delight when she latbers it eer us. “The Ladies’ Favorite.” Pure. Purifying. Emollient. A luxury for shampooing. Cures Skin Diseases. THE PACKER arc. CO... 100 Fulton St., New York. THE WINE OF THE Pena dF ag Riding Habits cut oa sew safety principles. Braided Gowns, ‘Coats, Jackets and Ulsters in original designs. Riding Hats from the lead- ing London Manufacturers, put up in satin oxe8 Of 108, 208, $08, and 1008. 14 Prise Medals, WM. 8, KIMBALL & CO. SPENCE RIAN sorter’ STEEL PENS)" titenao. POST PAID, | 753 & 758 Broadway, rwevry-rive crs.| Are the Best. | NEW YORK CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 36 Wast ogre Sraaet, New Yore, For Sate sy Drvoarers, om Mas, $1.00. , RICH, EXTRA DRY, OR BRUT. {DuVivier xo. ‘9 Broao St, NrwYork ine Wines, Branoies \&c. comicbooks.com