Life — June 9, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SSSR) AT NvLLy TRUE TO NATURE. ¢€ SPEAKING about the artist who painted fruit so naturally that the birds came and pecked at it,” said the fat reporter, ‘« I drew a hen that was so true to life that after the sage threw it into the waste- | basket it laid there."—Peabody Reporter. GUARDING AGAINST FUTURE MISTAKES, Boston Younc Lapy: I want to look at a pair of eyeglasses, sir, of extra magnifying power. DEALER: Yes, ma’am ; something very strong? Boston Younc Lapy: Yes, sir. While visiting in the country, last summer, I made a very painful blunder which I never want to repeat. DEALER: May I ask what that—er—blunder was ? Boston Younc Lapy: Oh, yes. I mistook a bumble bee for a blackberry.—Suz. Own the Lansing train the other day an old man shoved up a win- dow as the locomotive whistled for a crossing, and stuck half his body ‘out to see what the row was about. The brakeman happened to pass through the car, and seeing the situation, he said : “« Better take your head in, sir.” “Why?” “ Because you might strike a post or switch.” ““Y-e-s, that’s so,” muttered the man, as he pulled himself in and | sat down, “and the railroad would hop onto me for damages. It’s better to be on the safe side."—Detroit Free Press. 327 ARITHMETIC WITH MODERN IMPROVEMENTS, MACON boasts of one of the most erudite professors of mathematics to be found in the United States. He published a series of arithmetics that has been adopted in many schools throughout the length and breadth of the land. Recently a teacher in the backwoods wrote to the professor : Dear SiR: Will you please send me the price of a key to your Third Grade Arithmetic. _I have been using it in my school and I like it, but I want a key. | Respectfully, BircHROD WISEACRE. The professor received the epistle and wrote on a postal card: BIRCHROD WISEACKE: Sir—It has no key. It is a stem-winder.— The Atlanta Constitution. “*So your father was in the war ?” said he. “Yes, he was killed at the battle of Bull Run,” she replied. “* Where—er—was he shot ?”” “He wasn’t shot at all. He broke his neck running down the hill. War is an awful cruel thing, don’t you think so ?”—New York Mail. HE KNEW A GOOD THING. While Jay Gould was traveling on the Wabash system he stopped over for dinner at a little town in southern Illinois, The party ate some eggs, among other things, and when the bill was presented to Gould it contained the item, “One dozen eggs, $1.80.” The great railroad magnate remarked that eggs must be at a premium in that section, to which the restaurant-keeper replied, “No, sir; eggs’are plenty enough ; but Jay Goulds are mighty scarce."—Buffalo Courier. WIDE AWAKE. LiTTLE Willie, when he ‘first saw his new baby cousin, gazed on the tiny thing for a moment in awed silence, and then whispered, “Mamma, is he a her ?"—Norristown Herald. eeu join in the chorus isthe subject befere We are children who ch When PACKER'S TAR SOA! game tried allthe rest, ashe knowsitSthe best, And we laugh with delight when she lathersit ger us. ¢ Ladies’ Favorite.” Pure. Purifying. Emollient. A luxury for shampooing. Cures Skin Diseases. THE PACKER MFG. CO,, 100 Fulton St., New York. 23, LADIES’ CELEBRATED HATS ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila, | KRAKAUER LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, Bellevue Ave., Newport AND KIMBALL'S SATIN 49 East 24st St., N. Y. me) Straight Cut Cigarettes, People of refined taste who Riding Habits cut on new desire exceptionally fine cig- 4 safety principles. Braided larettes should use only our i Gowns, Coats, Jackets and ight Cut, put up in satin i) Ulsters in original designs. ets and boxes of 10s, 208, Riding Hats from the lead- Lundborgs Pe tfu m e 508, androos. 74 Prize Medals. ing London Manufacturers, EDENIA. SPEVCERLAY | pe iy | ST EEL P ENS Ivison, Blakeman & Co. Lundborgs POST PAID, | Aire the Best. 758 & 755 Broadway, Rhenish Cologne. — Mil TWENTY-FIVE CTS. NEW YORK. CROSBY’ VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. <6 West agra Srreet, Naw York. For Sate sv Drucaists, of Mat. $1.00 comicbooks.com