Life — June 2, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT AUTEUIL. Freddy, on leaving his bride for a few minutes and knowing she is very weak in her French, has instructed her to look very dignified in case anyone addresses her, and to say haughtily: ‘‘ PRENEZ GARDE!” He returns to find her surrounded by a group of wondering Frenchmen and hysterically exclaiming: ‘“REGARDEZ MOI!” THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT HAUL. ERHAPS this clause and that Is suspended because, Like a tiger, ’tis safer When robbed of its claws. LETTERS TO PROMINENT STATUES. 0 THE HON. WM. SHAKESPEARE, Central Park. Dear SiR: I note with considerable sorrow that another attempt has been made to detract from your glory by proving that you were not yourself, but that some other man enjoyed that distinc- tion. It is all the more a matter of regret to me that your present detractor is an American, and no less distinguished an American than Mr. Justin Winsor, the librarian of Harvard College. His pamphlet, entitled: “‘ Was Shakespeare Shapleigh ?” is undoubtedly interesting, plausible and almost convincing ; but, my dear William, permit me to assure you that while your personality remains identified with the effigy which now stands in the Central Park, no effort, however plausible, convincing or interesting, will ever prove that Shakespeare was Shapleigh—especially as regards his legs. Yours most truly, * * * OBERT BURNS. Sir: I would call your attention to our celebrated Bronchitis ‘Waters as well as to the efficacy of Smith’s Liniment for stiff neck, from which, I believe, you are a constant sufferer. Send stamp for estimonial pamphlet. J. SMITH, Druggist. ON. W. H. SEWARD. My Dear MR. Sewarp: As an old friend and admirer, I feel that you will not take it amiss when I tell you that your trousers are woefully out of style, and by this time sadly bagged at the knees. If you will make an appointment to meet me some dark night, I will lend you a pair of bronze bags, cut in the latest and most approved style, and, if you feel disposed, will be accompanied by a very gentle- | manly boiler-maker, who will take that reef in your limbs which we who knew you in the flesh feel is so greatly needed. The operation will be painful, but not nearly so much so as the undue elongation which your friends are compelled to view every time they pass you on Madison Square. Ever your friend, - * * * ENERAL BOLIVAR, Central Park. Dear GENERAL: Can’t we arrange to have you take a few lessons in horsemanship, either at the riding-school or of Buffalo Bill ? I have arranged with the glue works in Hoboken for the sale of your horse, and I think we can get you a better steed from the Gotham Cab Company (Limited). The new horse may need a few rivets here and there, and his hoofs may have to be soldered on a little more tightly, but you would cut a better figure with the new animal than you do now, and the lessons in horsemanship will add much to your dignity. Let me hear from you. Yours, in the bonds, is F the young lady who wears shoes marked “11’s" afflicted with the same number in different form, $, she need never fear that large feet will interfere with her pros- pects in life. comicbooks.com