Life — May 26, 1887 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHO WOULD BE AN. HEIR APPARENT? DEDICATED TO THE PRINCE OF WAILS. Y Society's legions we're not incommoded, Because they have largely to Britain exoded, For all good New Yorkers have skipped o’er the sea To shout with the Queen, ‘‘ Jubilo! Jubilee!” For a time Albert Edward the Next has subsided, And dolefully counts all the years he has bided. Apart the heir sits and he cries, full of woe, ““Hiit’s a mighty ’ard thing for meself, Don’tcherknow, To yell with the crowd, ‘Joobilee! Joobilo!’ For you see h’it is h’almost h’as six is to seven Whether ma or meself is the first h’into "Eaven ; And indeed h’I must say to that aged old party, My ma, who is warbling Lord T’s Jubilate, The whole business is quite too awf'ly ex parte For the Prince To evince Any gladness that’s hearty.” | * * * THEISM has been defined as “disbelief of Super-intel- | ligence.”” | From what we have seen of Supers on the Metropolitan | stage we are inclined to be Atheists. | * * OVERNOR HILL says he thinks Home Rule will come some time. That's right, Governor! Any- thing to please the Irish. * * * HE malady from which youths who wear a single eyeglass suffer is, in many cases, optical delusion, * * * HEN man gets the better of woman in an argument, woman frequently is dissolved in tears, but it does not take her long to get resolved again. * * x N economist has Ragely ob- served that, no matter how large its population may become, there will always be enough earth to go round. 8 * * * HEN Mazzini said, “Good “OH! MINE GOTT, VAT A COUNTRIES! DEY STHOPS OUR LAGER BIER, DEY STHOPS OUR MUSICK, AND NOW DEY TRIES TO STHOP DE ONLY DINGS VOT .VE HEF A POINT FOR THE SUPERSTITIOUS, HILLIPS BROOKS declares that Webster, Lincoln and Beecher were the three greatest Americans of the cen- tury. Now, the superstitious will please observe that each had seven letters in his name, and what is more remarkable, that three times seven are twenty-one, at which age Beecher, Webster and Lincoln all attained their majority ! * * * HOSE who wish to paint the town red on Sundays must use water-colors. * * * UNKACSY’S “ Death of Mozart” has gone to Detroit. The baseball championship will go there too. If this doesn’t show that Detroiters are mean-spirited, selfish mo- nopolists, nothing does. * * * WITTICISM has just reached us from Philadelphia. A Quaker City youth has discovered that a girl tobogganing with her fiancé reminds him of archery, because she chutes with her beau. * * * EXTRA DRY. ONES (after a night off): My! how my head aches. Mrs. J.: It is the champagne. JONES: Not a bit of it. It’s the real pain and nothing else. Mrs. J.: You must be better. * * * ISHOP HARE has confirmed 13,000 Indians during his episcopate. Indians always were more sus- ceptible to the influences of Hare than to anything else. * * * RS. SPRIGGINS thinks it a shame that the police do not take some steps regarding the villainous behavior of the Washing- ton Ball Nine in stealing bases from the New Yorks. * * * WHY HE WAS CALLED A PARENT. ‘cc ES,” said the old man sadly as he placed forty-five dol- lars and thirty-three cents -in his landlord's open palm, “1 am called a parent because I do.” “Do what?” queried the land- counsel has no price,” he Gor to us LEFT FOR OUR RECREATION! lord. hadn't heard of the New York Bar. “Doi's Dyranny !” “Pay rent,” sighed the tenant. comicbooks.com