Life — May 19, 1887 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SEASONABLE STANZAS. A MALARIALET. I, why should the spirit of mortal be gay, Greeting Spring with a shriek of hilaria ! Knowing well that in May There's the Doctor to pay For allaying his case of May-laria. THE SPIRIT OF INERTIA, ~ AYS Campbell: ‘‘ Let us do, or die!” — Most surely good advice to give — But at this season of the year, We much prefer to don’t and live. * * * Wt cannot help feeling dissatisfied with Voltaire for saying, ** Whoever serves his country well has no need of ancestors.” How is a man going to get the chance to serve his country if he hasn’t any ancestors? If Voltaire’s spirit happens to hover in this neighborhood, he will greatly oblige us by an early answer. * | JUDGING from recent athletic achievements, it seems as | if we could look to Columbia for nothing but education. | She plays very base-ball. * | * * | ae English earldom of Shrewsbury is still held by the | heirmale of the original grantee. The earldoms of Blue Point and Rockaway have been allowed to subside into innocuous desuetude. | * * * | DANe WEBSTER was a man of prejudice. He said: | “I was born an American; I live an American; I shall die an American.” Now, if Daniel had been born an American and lived an Irishman, he might have died an Englishman and still have been President of the United States. * * * W © are accustomed to hear of the Ship of State, but the number of railroad men in office would seem to warrant a change. appropriate. The Palace Car of State would be more Fisher Ames knew what he was talking about when he said America’s bones are but car-tilages. ——--~, * * * RYDEN says, “ We derive all that is pardonable in us from ancient fountains.” Dryden must have heard about man’s being nine-tenths water. * * * CORRESPONDENT wishes to know if negative gravity is positively ridiculous. Any solution to this problem will be gratefully received at LIFE office. * * * PRING has to. stay. George Francis Train and the sparrows have reappeared in Madison Square. come * - OM OCHILTREE «asserts that if Roscoe Conkling would accept the Labor nomination for the Presidency he would sweep the country. We hope Mr. Conk- ling will accept. The country at this season of the year needs to be swept. an: * * THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER. MAN naturally feels put out when ejected from a theatre. “| WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE, AND NOT ONE DROP FOR: DRINK!" BATTLE half lost is a battie half won — for the other fellow. * * * HEN Lamb defined amuse- ment as “a clear fire, a clean hearth and the rigor of the game,” the game he referred to must have been Cricket on the Hearth. ¥ ‘ * ockepoueameET = shrewdly said: “ Accidents sometimes happen from which a man cannot well extricate himself without a species of madness.” This is particularly true of such an accident as the loss of one’s collar button under the bureau on a busy morning. * * * HEN Barnum heard that among the Pope’s Easter Gifts was an ivory egg, lined with quilted satin and inclosing a ruby and several diamonds, he cabled over to his representative in Rome to buy the hen at’ any price. comicbooks.com