Life — May 5, 1887 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OW the man who owns a truck Is in luck, And the lord whose land is rented Feels contented ; ut he who moves the first of Gemini Is rather lemony. . . * OSTON is trying to get up an author's club, leaving out Sullivan and Mike Kelly. The next thing we know Harvard College will be trying to row the New London race in a bath-tub. These Bostonians are very impracticable people. . . . HE Hera/d says that there are not ten women in the world who can sharpen a lead-pencil. They always ruin the point. The same may be said of the way women tell funny stories. . . * THE CUT DIRECT. RS. VAN DYKE: Are you going to call on the late Mrs, Jones? Mrs. SMYTHERS: Indeed, | am not! She never sent me cards announcing her divorce, and I don’t intend to run after any woman. M A GNOME DE PLUME. . . . OME enemy of the New York Su has discovered that Mr. Dana’s name when written in blank verse, thus : Charles Anderson Dana, presents another acrostical allusion to the great Mugwump who supported 1. F. Butler in the last campaign. * . HE Czar recently declared that he was afraid of nothing ; and as Nihilism consists largely of that, we rather believe the Potentate told the truth, . * * TOC and vessels are much alike. When they get too much water in they are liable to sink. Mees HEWITT is doing so well in enforcing the Sunday laws that we have great hopes of the ultimate enforcement of the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thurs- day, Friday and Saturday law: . . . HE Pennsylvania Senate has passed a bill providing that the punishment for murder in the first degree may be | death by the use of electricity. Experts say that it is much pleasanter to be telegraphed into eternity than to be let down into it by a rope. . . . “cc parr.” said Mr. Gladstone's little boy, “how many legs has an ass?” “That depends on the ass, my boy,” returned the Grand Old Man; “ Lord Salisbury has only two.” . . . A SOLOMON IN THE BUD. M28 TWAIN'S article in the Century is very good reading—almost as good, in fact, as the subjoined examination paper received at LIFE office this morning. I. Why does a telegram sent from New York at noon reach St. Louis before noon ? Because it never takes the Western Union Telegraph Company more than twenty-three hours to cover the distance. Il, What ts the greatest difference in time that two places may have? There is about a century's difference between New York and Philadelphia. Il, What causes the continual fogs on the Newfoundland coast ? The Newfoundland coast is English, you know, IV. Where is the Levant ? Down Ea V. State briefly the causes that led to the American Civil War. gers. VI. Name the principal point of difference between the government of Russia and the government of the United States, In the United States the government endeavors to elevate the people and in Russia the people try to elevate the government, sometimes succeed in Russia. VIL, The State of Michigan is divided into two parts by what water ? .Fire-water, The Prohibitionists are slightly in the rear, VIN Uf the rst of March were a Friday, what day would the 17th of March be? St. Patrick's Day. IX. Wherein lies the difference between the Senate and the House of Representatives ? The Senate is Republican and the House isn't. X. Name the five races of mankind, Horse races, yacht races, foot races, boat races, and the race for office. ‘The unfortunate part of this is that the youth who has displayed such rich and varied stores of learning as above was summarily flunked at the Theological Seminary to which he applied for admission and has now gone on a Western paper in the capacity of hamorist. They comicbooks.com