Life — April 7, 1887 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

YOu ARE THE YOUNG MAN WHO THOUGHT OF HAVING ME ON TOAST, ARE You? FOR FORM'S SAKE. HEN I behold her taper waist Within its bodice snugly laced, Then say I, ** Love, no figure rare With thine can even half compare.” “Could Paris (who with bumpkin’s eyes, To dumpy Venus gave the prize), Have seen thy hour-glass form divine, The golden apple had been thine.” She gives a quivering gasp, a start! Have I no, I've not touched her Acart, ‘Tis fashion’s fetter makes her pant; She's trying to draw her breath—and can’t. H. D.C. HE Household says: “The coming woman will walk five miles a day.” It will take her a long time to get here at that rate. HE best singer is the one who can reach the highest notes, Musical cluded in this remark. C* RTER HARRISON is said to have an eye on the Vice-Presidency. Chicago is a good preparatory school for Vice. ORD TENNYSON has issued his ~ Jubilee poem, and some driblets of | ithave come over the cable. The occasion is fit to inspire the Laureate to a greater | effort than is common. LiFe hopes his American critics will suspend judgment on his performance until they get the whole Carmen sacculare, with the t's crossed and i’s dotted, and the stops all in place. The practice of drawing con- clusions from disjointed fragments of new poetry by Tennyson and Browning, strung on a wire, is unfair. and bank notes are both in- | *LIFE- SHE WAS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE GAME. T was the day before Easter, and she (being inclined that way) was arrang- ing the flowers. Her escort, having no taste in decoration, sauntered out of church, and, returning, offered her two fine Winter Nelis pears. é “1 can't take them now,” said she, “my hands are full.” Then she won- | dered why some of the more worldly of the bystanders laughed, when he said, sadly (and perhaps reminiscently, being inclined that way), “ Why not? A full hand takes two pairs.” £ | “HE vice precedent of our society, Rum. ABSOLUTELY FLIRTATION PROOF. IFE of a rich rural Californian at her first grand dinner. THE COLONEL OFFERS HIS ARM: I am to have the pleasure of | taking you out to dinner, Mrs. A. RicH RuRAL WIFE: Go ‘long with you; my husband is here; take your | own wife out! i EGINALD: “And now, Miss Daisy, your brother is going to sing “Salve Dimora.” Can he take high C? UNMUSICAL Miss Datsy: Oh, yes; he takes everything he can get! AFTER THE ELOPEMENT. He: Now THAT THE DANGER IS ALL PAST, DARLING, REMOVE YOUR VEIL AND LET ME GAZE AGAIN ON THAT CHARMING FACE. HOW NICELY WE OUTWITTED THE OLD MAN, DIDN'T WE. She (removing veil): Ol DOAN’ KNOW anouT ¢haf, SIR, Miss HELEN'S PAYTHER LOCKED HER IN TH’ CHELLAR AbOOT AN HOUR AGONE, AN‘ Ot JIS’ KEM ALONG TER KAPE YEZ FROM BEIN’ DISHAPPINTED. comicbooks.com