Life — March 17, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~LIFE: Ne Zin A UNIVERSAL GENIUS. NE young man lingered near the managing editor's desk, waiting for an appointment on the regular staff. “But you drink?” said the manager, wishing to let the candidate down easy, “Yes,” replied the young man ; ‘‘so did Alexander the Great.” “And you are a dude ?” glancing at the youth's dandified dress. “So was Disraeli “And you are a liar?” “So was Napoleon Bonaparte.” “And you are head and ears in debt?” “Like Alexander Dumas.” “And you are a glutton ‘*So was ‘Peter the Great.” “And you swear occasionally 2” “So did George Washington.” “You are liable to get drunk ?” “Like Daniel Webster.” “You are not a college man?” “Neither was Lincoln.” “And then you write a wretchedly illegible hand ?” “Like Horace Greeley.” “And you can’t make a speech 2” “Like Grant.” ““Well,” said the’ manager, plunging into a heap of manuscript, ““anyhow, we don’t want you; you won't do.. Good morning !"” ‘The young man turned away exceedingly sorrowful. PACKER’S > TAR SOAP. “The Ladies’ Favorite,” for all toilet cleansing and purifying purposes ; for preventing chapping, chafing, come- dones, or ‘‘flesh-worms,” and other skin | affections; for curing dandruff (which if left to continue, causes baldness); for cor- recting the injurious effects of cosmetics ; and for washing the delicate skin of infants. PACKER’S TAR SOAP. Don't forget the name. LADIES’ | 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., KIMBALL'S SATIN and 181 Broadway, Straight Cut Cigarettes. FI) People of refined taste who M desire exceptionally fine cig- arettes should use only our | Straight Cut, put up in satin packets and boxes of 10s, 20s, 508, and 100s. 14 Prize Medals, ‘WM.S. KIMBALL & CO. ONE should FAIL to examine the Palmer House, Chicago. Will hold 2 numbers. | Address officeof LIFE CELEBRATED HATS AND ROUND HATS. ComMOoN SENSE BINDER FOR BINDING -LIFE: Cheap, Strong and Durable, Of the United States for $1. 155 “It's no sort of use," he said. ‘* A fellow combines in his own brain and person the traits of all the great men from Alexander to Grant, and can't even get a place on the Brooklyn £ag/e. This world is growing too fast for genius." —Burde/te, ‘Was there nothing in my story,” reproachfully writes Augustus, “that was good for anything?” Bless you, yes, Augustus, the three stamps inclosed in it for return postage were good for six cents. Howells’ self never used better ones.—Burdette, A MESSENGER boy from Commodore Bateman’s Wall Street office was sent ot yesterday to hunt up Mr. Harvey Durand, with the message that Commodore Bateman wanted to see him, The youth returned and reported that Mr. Durand was in Delmonico's. ‘Anybody with him ?” asked the commodore.“ Yes, sir,” replied the lad, “a gentle- man and six brokers." —New York Sun. WHAT THE WAVES WERE SAYING. “I Have found out what it was the wild waves were saying ?” observed the snake editor. “What was it ?” asked the horse editor. Let us spray."—Ex. Cuauncey M. Depew is quoted as having recently asked a banjo club to ‘disturb the silence."—Zx. SENATOR Dawes does not pose as a humorist, but his wit is keen at times. During the boundary line controversy between Massachusetts and Rhode Island the subject came up at a dinner-table in Washington, and a Rhode Island Member of Congress, waxing indignant over it. exclaimed to Mr. Dawes: ‘* Dawes, it’s a shame for Massachusetts to attempt to steal a part of Rhode Island! a confounded shame!” ‘Don’t make so much fuss about it,” retorted Dawes. ‘If we should steal your whole State it would only be petit larceny, and a justice of the peace would have jurisdiction."—Boston Journal, JRRAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, 19 East 21st Street, New York, Also LONDON and NEWPORT, . SOLIcits a: pec- tion from his Lady Patrons of his novelties for GOWNS, COATS, ULSTERS, etc., for the ensuing season, ported from the leading houses in Europe. La. dies who favor me with bet. 22d & 23d Sts., near Cortland St., NEW Y wared that my estab- lishment will, as hereto- ORK. ot4 Chestnut St, Phila. | tion for taste, workmanship and per- fect fit, o All mail orders prompt- Mi —— ly attended to, A per fect fit guaranteed with- ut personal attendance Mailed to any part > 1155 Broapway, N. Y. merits of the IMPERIAL BURNER, which gives the most brilliant and per- fect light produced by any Lamp known. On exhibition, lighted, in a selection of Lamps specially imported this season by BENNETT B. SCHNEIDER, 37 Park Place, New York. SENT FOR TRIAL, POST PAID, CROSBY: The best satisfaction guaranteed, or you can have your money returned. TWENTY-FIVE CTS. SPENCERIAN | 26 SELECTED PENS ISTEEL PENS |!" Blateman aco ‘758 & '755 Broadway, Are the Best. NEW YORK. *S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 36 Was acta Street. New York. For Sate sv Drucaists, on Matt, $1.00. comicbooks.com