Life — March 3, 1887 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

120 LESSONS IN LITERATURE. ROFESSOR: Mr. White, you may inform us what is the subject of the lesson to-day. Mr, WHiTe: We are to discuss Mr. Howells and his methods. Pror.: Quite right. Now, will you tell me for what he i noted. Mn. W.: He writes for The Century and Harper's. Pror.: Goon, Is that all? Mr. W.: All that I can think of just at present, sir. Pror.: You are very stupid, Mr. White! Now, attend, You see this picture hanging on the wall, Of whom is it the portrait ? Ma. W.: Of Mr. Howells Pror.: What do you see in this portrait ? Mr. W.: [see a pair of eye-glasses and a dissecting knife. Pror.: Very good. For what does he use the knife ? Mk. W.: To dissect human nature, T suppose. Pror.: Where does he begin ? At the surface. Where does he end ? 2 At the surface, where he began, But does he never touch the heart ? Mk. W.: Oh, no, sir! his knife is too short, it can only lacerate cuticle. Pror.: Now, be careful, Mr. White. Howells’ critical essays ? Mr. W.: They are unique in their way. For example—he has | followed the “ golden rule” with regard to Mr. James, and has himself | improved on Dickens and Thackeray. Pror.: Can you tell me how he has improved on them ? Mr. W.: Yes, sir; by giving them his valuable advice. Pror.: How about his essay on Mr. James ? | Mr. W.: Mr. James' essay on Mr. Howells will explain that more | fully than I can, Professor. | Pror.: To change the subject, what can you tell us about Mr. | Howells’ women characters ? | Mx. W.: He says they are women, | Pror.: Have you never seen any exactly like them ? | Mr. W.: No, sir; [don't remember that I have. | Pror.: Think again. Take plenty of time, young man. Mr. W.: Yes; I believe I have, after all, Prog.: Where did you see them ? What can you say of Mr. | Mr. W.: Ata boarding-school, where I visited my sister. Pror.: How should Mr. Howells’ women resemble the young ladies at a boarding-school ? Mr. W.: Because young ladies when at school are at their silliest age. PRor.: You will remember I instructed you to read some of our author's later work. What did you peruse ? Mr, W.: Nothing. Pror.: Then you may take your seat. -LIFE- Mr. W.: But, Professor, I tried. Pror.: Well, what did you try to read ? Mr. W.: * The Mouse-trap.” Pror.: And didn't succeed ? MR. W.: No, sir; it was too vast. Pror.: The idea of it? Mr. W.: Oh, no! the idea was small enough. PxoF.: Then what was too vast ? Mr. W.: The space it occupied, Professor. Pror.: That is all. You may sit. Andrew F, Underhill, A SURMISE. ROM that dainty Parisian bonnet, With a jeweled humming-bird on it, Down to your tiny bettines, You are quite the most perfect creature Who ever made dressing a feature In the ranks of society's queens. You look so very expensive, ‘That single young men grow pensive In summing up what you wear. ‘The wealth of ribbons and laces, ‘That your willowy figure graces, Would cause financial despair. I wonder, oh, triumph of fashion ! If you won't fly into a passion, Should you reach heaven's gate some day, And find, ere you enter the portal, That guests of the city immortal All dress in the same simple way. Ernest De Lancey Pierson. FAIR (?) HARVARD. ERTAIN baseball worthies at Harvard have met with a rebuff. When these fierce old ladies in boys’ clothing invited Yale to join them in their little scheme for monopoliz- ing public interest in college games, they received a courteous slap in the face, which, we trust, will have a beneficial effect. Such a scheme is all very nice and select, but it savors much more of the tea-pot than the open field. There is something melancholy yet comic in this endeavor to exclude from direct competition such a college as Columbia, for instance, whose agile nine are the present champions. GAS TRICK. comicbooks.com