Life — March 3, 1887 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A POSTROPHE TO MARCH. H AIL to thee, thou harbinger of Spring ! Thermometer at forty, and still rising ; The early budlet—pretty, trustful thing !— Puts forth a petal, experience despising. Enter now, O March, and sounding thro’ the street, Let mortals loud rejoice in listening to thy bleat ; Do, for the nonce, let rule and proverb slide, And like the roaring lion, don’t subside. . . . HE prospects of the United States in a war with any foreign power are not couleur de rose, unless some flori- culturist can secure a navy-blue Jacqueminot. . . . NARCHIST SPIES is willing to die, because he realizes that while there's life, there’s soap. It is in the application of it that this proverb escapes being a chestnut. . . . HE legislature has decided that hanging is a capital pun- ishment for women who kill as well as for men who | murder. * * ° DMUND P. religious character. church. . . . HE dude with asinine ears may take consolation in the lines: ‘* Man wants but little ear below, And wants that little long.” * . . PICTORIAL SHAKESPEARE. “BUT THIS 18 WOYDROUS STRANGE.” —//am/et, HE Stewart Estate litigation demonstrates that while | twenty-five cents is deemed a sufficient reward for a waiter, $50,000 is inadequate in the eyes of a Butler-~who has waited some time for his money. | 6 H! but zis ees a fonny contree. HYDE. was officially declared insane | yesterday in the Supreme Court. His mania is of a | He gets mad every time he attends | &[ HE Empress of Japan intends introducing English INNOCUOUS UNINTELLIGENCE. 73 AY, Dan,” said Mr. Cleveland, gazing out of the window, “ What do you think of a matutinal peri- grination?” “ Please, sire,” replied the faithful vizier, “1 would prefer to consult before committing myself to an opinion.” “ What would’st consult, O Daniel, the probabilities ? ” “No, sire, the Dictionary.” HE children of the Apaches imprisoned in Florida are being educated in Philadelphia. The poem will have to be changed to “Slo, the Poor | Indian,” if the children are susceptible to their surroundings. . . . FROM A GALLIC POINT OF VIEW. If a man haf a fast horse he call it mére after his muzzare, and if he haf two he calls it Aére after hees fathaire.” . . * HE Queen has graciously condescended to accept a copy of the Arabian Nights from Lady Burton. Gracious, what condescension! . . . manners into her court life. Her chief difficulty will be in finding the manners. “cc EN. BUTLER, Lowell’s foremost son?” ejaculated Mrs. Spriggins. “If he's Lowell's son, what's he call hisself Butler for?” . . . “T" HE Royal Infant of Spain is every inch a king; but that isn’t saying much in view of the fact that His Majesty still sleeps in one of his lamented father’s old tigar boxes. . . . ETIQUETTE ITEM. Soca ostracism will surely follow the eating of peas with a spoon, and no polished person ever uses a fork | for soup. . . . R, JOE HOWARD is believed to think of Mr. Pulitzer as a sort of jeu d'esprit. . . . OTTA is now worth over a million dollars. Phew! That's a Lotta money for so little a woman. comicbooks.com.