Life — March 3, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lad @ ” “While there's Life there's Hope.” VOL. 1X. ~ MARCH 1155 BROADWaY, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., $1.50 per number ; Vol. II., 25 cents per number ; Vol. III., IV., V. and VII. at regular rates. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. T is more fun than a goat,” as the small boys say, to see Colonel Henry Watterson make faces at the President. Uncle Dana has a diverting facial expression, but he cannot contort his features like Henry. Uncle Dana and Colonel Watterson have one thing in common in their grimaces; they both assume that they are trying to scare Mr. Cleveland into being a good man and to scare the evil mugwump spirit out of him, but they go at it a little differently. Uncle Charles suggests that unless the President mend his ways it will not do to nominate him again, but Colonel Henry frankly admits that the Democrats cannot nominate anyone else, and holds that for that very reason it is doubly important to correct his errors: Next to the spectacle of brethren dwelling together in unity, the spirit of mortal delights in brethren who thump each other artis- tically. Colonel Watterson is such a brother, and we confess that we like to see him getting in his work. If Boston should ever be filled with a consuming passion to add the king of fighting editors to her remarkable collection of experts, we are not sure but that she will have to buy Watterson. He will come high, but he cannot be matched; and my! how handsome he would look sitting on Boston’s front bench with Dr. Brooks, and Dr. Holmes, and Mike Kelly, and Dr. Lowell, and Professor Sullivan! Yes, if Boston persists in wanting to have the best, she must have Watterson. His photograph will cost a good deal more than Mike's, and there will be the expense of a pipe- line for cordial from the blue-grass country; but money is no object to Boston. It is only a matter of selling a mort- gage on a block in Chicago; that’s all. And while we're talking, what are we offered for Evarts and Chauncey Depew? They cannot play baseball, nor are they exceptionally effective with their dukes; but, Boston dear, they are unique! If there is a pair of men anywhere who can make a small city great, they're the chaps! You 3 can't grow them; you haven't the environment and you | haven't the meals, but perhaps if you imported these grown specimens you might keep them without deterioration; and if you can, you ought to do it. Collectors have their respon- sibilities and should not shirk them. | cabinet and then you would have— The greatest living American preacher, The champion fighter, The greatest living American poet and orator, The only autocrat, The greatest living baseball player, The king of poker-playing editors, and The greatest Well, hire Chauncey and William, and classify them according to what you need most. “Intellectual Odd-Jobs Done with Neatness and Dispatch” is their sign, and they beat the world in their specialties. . . Put them in your . NE of the best jobs of the day is to be assistant-great- man. The opportunities of the position are great and a person of fair abilities put in the way of advancement is liable upon short notice to overtop his model. Dan. Lamont is the ideal performer in this part. The poet says: “+ A favorite has no friends! "* but the country is full of Dan's friends, and their number is increasing, which show's that his is not all reflected light. Our friend Badeau had a corresponding place, and profits every day of his life by his experience ; for all that Colonel Grant says: * Badeau did not have the full confidence of Father.” Grant's Lamont was Rawlins. The newest individual of the species is one Colonel Jung, who is Lamont to General Bou- langer, and is represented to have the conquest of Germany all planned in his head, ready to be sprung whenever his principal gives the signal. . . . | SOBER diversion appropriate to the lenten season is provided by the thoughtful consideration of Judge Hilton in opening the public exhibition of the Stewart pictures | on Shrove Tuesday. . . . R. HOWARD CROSBY is a Prohibitionist after LiFE’s own heart. The philanthropic divine approves of man's looking upon the wine when it is red, when he feels the need of such spectacular invigoration, and even goes so far as to question the sanity of him who is so blind as to object to the cup solely because it stingeth like an adder when goaded too far. The unholy alliance of Teetotaller and Rumseller, when viewed in the light of a freak, is all that can be desired, but when the “combine” ventures to oppose so politic a meas- ure as the High License bill it is an abject failure. The legislation of either is bad enough, but when the two | are combined the essence of iniquity, is attained. LIFE begs to assure Dr. Crosby of its cordial support in | his noble fight for right. comicbooks.com