Life — January 20, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LI * ¥ SPAT S°16G0RS AMT NuLLv HOW HE CAME TO SIGN. <<] UNDERSTAND that Billy Bliven has signed the pledge,” re- marked a Cincinnati traveling man. “Yes,” was the reply ; ‘‘ they caught the poor fellow when he was about half seas over and roped him into it. _Billy'll do ‘most anything when he's been drinking." —Merchant Traveler. COMPLAINANT (in @ police court): ‘‘Yes, your honor, I recognize this handkerchief. It is mine.” MaGISTRATE: ‘‘ What makes you think so? on it, and I have one just like it in my pocket.” JMPLAINANT : “Possibly, your honor; I have lost several."—ZLe Gaulots. Idon't see any mark PLEASANT FOR UNCLE JACK. Uncle Jack returns from a long walk, and, being somewhat thirsty, drinks from a tumbler he finds on the table, Enter his little niece who instantly sets up a yell of despair. LE Jack: ‘‘ What’s the matter, Allie?” IE (weeping) : ‘ You've drinked up my aquarium and swallowed ree pollywogs.”—Harvard Lampoon. \WE notice in a newspaper some verses headed ‘ The Seven Ages of Woman.” After a woman is thirty she abolishes the other six.—Som- erville Journal. De Garo: ‘ And how do you stand on evolution, Miss Brewster ? | Don’t you believe man is descended from the monkey ?” Mis3 BREWSTER: ‘Oh, yes, I think man is; but what puzzles me, Mr. De Garmo, is where women came from."—Columbia Stectator. PACKER’S TAR SOAP. “The Ladies’ Favorite,” for all toilet cleansing and purifying purposes ; for preventing chapping, chafing, come- dones, or ‘‘ flesh-worms,” and other skin affections; for curing dandruff (which if | left to continue, causes baldness); for cor- |‘ recting the injurious effects of cosmetics ; and for washing the delicate skin of infants. PACKER’S TAR SOAP. Don’t forget the name. | NLA & se LADIES' LUNDBORG'S a. COPYRIGHTED. | CELEBRATED HATS | ROUND HATS, 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. | Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. 14 ‘*T po love a liar,” observed Mrs, Grap, after her husband had been telling her why he was detained at the office. Mr. Grap simply answered ‘‘ Egotist,” and now they eat meals in silence.—ew Haven News. BRINGING TEARS TO A NEEDLE’S EYE. ““I7’s funny about Washington people,” said a young man from New York to a Washingtonian. ‘‘How do you mean?” asked the Washington man. ‘Why, everybody has a way of saying ‘yes, indeed.’” ‘Have they!” exclaimed the Washingtonian, bitterly ; “well, they haven't ;-I asked a girl last night if she would marry me, and the way she said ‘No, indeed!’ was enough to bring tears to the eye of a needle.”—Washington Critic. How kind artists are to each other! ‘* What do you think of the Colin Campbell case ?” said some one to a painter. ‘The perjury in it is horrible. Did you see that Frank Miles swore that he was an artist ?"—London Truth. ‘CAND what was the disposition of the remains ?” was asked of a man who recently lost his mother-in-law. ‘The disposition of the ins,” he replied, with real feeling, ‘‘ was quiet and peaceful.”— CHARITY. MR. SKINFLINT VANASTORBILT (handing the waiter a nickel): “Here, my friend, is a slight compensation.” WaiTer: ‘Thanks, Gov'ner, keep it. I was poor once myself.” —Harvard Lampoon. “Ha! ha! ha!” laughed Dumley, as he finished a long chestnut. “Capital story, eh, Featherly 2” “Yes,” replied Featherly, ‘it’s good every time, Dumley ; good every time."—New York Sun. Mrs. DE Honson (complacently) : “Yes, Mr. Featherly, that is a | Portrait of myself when a little girl. It was painted by a celebrated | artist.” MR. FEATHERLY (anxious to say the right thing) : “Ex—one of the old masters."—New York Sun. LADIES’ TAILOR, HABIT MAKER, 19 EAST 21st STREET, WOULD respectfully announce that he as will, in preceding years, in order to keep his skilled hands fully employed, make especial inducements at reduced prices from date to February rsth next, N. B.— All gar- ments made at re- | duced prices to | be embraced: within the above period. AND Perfume | | EDENIA. Model garments remaining on hand offered at half price. Seal and Astrakhan Coats and Jackets made only of the best quatity English-dyed Skins and war- ranted a satisfactory fit. KIMBALL'S SATIN ye Straight Cut Cigarettes, People of refined taste who RG desire exceptionally fine cig- arettes should use only our "Straight Cut, put up in satin Js the PUREST BEEF EXTRACT for Family | Use. Nourish ng and Grateful to Invalids and | 508, andtoos. 14 Prize Medals. Children. Sold by Grocers and Druggists, or a address THE CIBILS CO., NEW YORK. ‘WM. 8S. KIMBALL & CO. ~ CROSBY'S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 56 Wust aru Street, Naw York, For Sate sy Druacists, or Mat, $1.00, packets and boxes of 10s, 208, LUNDBORG'S = Rhenish Cologne. | comicbooks.com