Life, 1887-01-13 · page 4 of 16
Life — January 13, 1887 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Page 18 of Life Magazine - Analysis This page contains satirical commentary and humor pieces typical of Life's editorial style. The left column features "An Open Letter" mocking someone named Mr. Cox (likely a public figure), using humorous complaints about his absence from Turkey. Below is a section titled "A Chestnut" with an illustration of a woman doing a backbend or acrobatic pose, accompanying a Juvenal quote about hidden character flaws. The right column's "Conundrum Department" presents absurdist rhetorical questions poking fun at various social pretensions—theater etiquette, New York society, and transportation logistics. "The Professor at the Boarding-House Table" depicts a comedic domestic dispute over a missing umbrella, illustrating the magazine's focus on everyday social absurdities and human foibles rather than explicit political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OPEN LETTER. RITES the Sultan of the Ottoman : “Dear Mr. Cox—Oh, what a man You are! You're the jolliest critter I ever did see, You made my existence one gladsome te-hee And ha-ha! And, oh, deary me, how dreadfully murky Has Constantinople been since you left Turkey And me. Come back to me, loved one, and help me to grin, Deserting forever that struggle for tin, And settle with me, to be happy contin- Ually. Oh, leave, Sunset dear, that land of tornado, And bask in the sun of the sweet bastinado ; Oh, pack up your duds, back to Turkey do hustle, man, Make life a joy to a poor aged Mussulman. The madames, this morning, were asking about you, Yours truly, AsBpuL, AzAIn’T Happy WitHout You. * * * T is denied that Mrs. James Gown Trotter will attempt to go round the world on roller-skates, with a view to pub- lishing her reminiscences in Outing. * * * A CHESTNUT. ‘“Dip'sT EVER THINK, THAT BENEATH A GAY AND FRIVOLOUS EXTERIOR THERE MIGHT LURK A CANKER-WORM, SLOWLY YET SURELY EATING ITS WAY INTO ONE’S VERY EXISTENCE ?” Pinafore. * * * HE Vassar Miscellany is authority for the statement that “a girl can limit her incidental expenses at Vassar College (inclusive of books) to $25 per annum.” This, of course, puts the expense of confectionery and four or five hundred dollars worth of other incidentals on the young man. OUR CONUNDRUM DEPARTMENT. F the fool-killer’s work were done, how many more com- plimentary banquets would be tendered to Mr. Dixey? Ir Levi P. Morton’s fortune were on a level with his ability, what chance would he have for the United States Senatorship ? . IF our fashionable women could be made to understand that English ladies never wear hats to the theatre, what kind of a view of the stage could a short man get? Is a man’s full conviction widely different to his sober judgment? Ir the brain of the New York society youth were one- quarter as large as his feet, would Browning be as popular here as in Boston? : Ir Mr. Fawcett thought the letter U as important as the letter I, how large a horse-car would it take to carry a man from Fourteenth Street to the Battery ? * * x HE kind of Rumor-tism that the President suffers from most acutely is that which crops out in the news- papers. * * * IBLIOMANIAC: We are glad you appreciate the value of our advice in regard to binding your volumes. Why not bind your Guide to Cannes in Goat ? * * * THE PROFESSOR AT THE BOARDING-HOUSE TABLE. . 6c OOD MORNING, Professor,” said the landlady sweetly, as that individual entered the breakfast- room and took charge of all the morning papers. “T hadn't noticed it, madame,” replied the Professor, seat- ing himself on the papers to keep the other boarders from getting them. “Hadn't noticed what?” asked Mrs. Fog. “That it is a good morning,” retorted the Professor amiably. “It’s raining cats and dogs out. Where is my umbrella, Mrs. Fog? I left it in the corner of my room on going out yesterday morning, and it’s not there now. I can’t understand why it is that the morality, integrity, the—the com- mon everyday honesty of life, seem to disappear when one gets within the portals of this house. Where, madame, I demand to know—where is my umbrella?” “WHERE!” replied the landlady, striking a high G and pouring hot water over her oatmeal in her excitement. “Where? Why the owner came here yesterday and re- covered it!” And the silence that came over the meal was so hard that no one could break it. comicbooks.com