Life — January 6, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SO THESE CARPING OUTSIDERS. SIMPSON: Well, Muggins, how's business ? MUGGINS (our artist):' Oh, ripping! Got a commission this morning from a clergyman. Wants his children painted very badly. SIMPSON (with that pleasant way of his): Well, my boy, you're the very man for the job. They don’t speak now. — Judge. A counTRY parson, in encountering a storm the past season in the voyage across the Atlantic, was reminded of the following : A clergy- man was so unfortunate as to be caught in a severe gale in the voyage out. The water was exceedingly rough, and the ship persistently buried her nose in the sea. The rolling was constant, and at last the good man got thoroughly frightened. He believed they were destined for awatery grave. He asked the captain if he could not,have prayers. “The captain took him by the arm, and led him down to the forecastle, where the tars were singing and swearing. “There,” said he, “ when you hear them swearing, you may know there is no danger.” He went back feeling better, but the storm increased his alarm. Disconsolate and unassisted, he managed to stagger to the forecastle again. The ancient mariners were swearing as ever. ‘‘ Mary,” he said to his sym- pathetic wife, as he crawled into his berth after tacking across a wet deck, ‘' Mary, thank God they're swearing yet.” — Harper's Magazine. A Supscriper asks: ‘*Can you send me a good receipt for good hoarhound candy ?” Certainly wecan, dear. Send along your candy and you will get a receipt by return mail. — New Haven News. AAA PROBABLY. First Broker's Boy: What is your pa, Johnnie ? SeconD BroKker's Boy: My pa isa bull. F. B. B.: And what is your ma? S. B. B.: My ma? I dunno. Oh, yes—holdon. I saw her when she was dressed to go to a party last evening, and I guess she must be a bare. — Boston Courter. FarvH is sometimes represented by the figure of a drenched female clinging to a sea-washed rock, but a better personification would be a bald-headed man buying a bottle of patent hair-restorer. — Shoe and Leather Reporter. A_Harvarp professor has made the calculation that if men were really as big as they sometimes feel there would be room in the United States for only two professors, three lawyers, two doctors, and a re- porter on a Philadelphia paper. The rest of us would be crowded into the sea and have to swim for it. — Detroit Free Press. FEMININE CHARITY. “It isn’t possible.” “True, I assure you.” Butea “heard her say only yesterday that she was twenty-seven.” “Then how old must she have been when she was born ?”— From the French. TEACHER (in Mineralogy Class): Johnny, giveme the name of the largest known diamond ? JOHNNY: The ace. — Binghampton Republican. “Youne men believe in nothing nowadays,” says Mrs. Ramsboth- am, with a deep sigh. ‘Why, there's my nephew, Tom, who was brought up as a Christian, and now he’s an acrostic." — Exchange, PACKER'S TAR SOAP. “‘The Ladies’ Favorite,”’ for all toilet cleansing and purifying purposes ; for preventing chapping, chaling, come- dones, or ‘* flesh-worms,” and other skin affections; for curing dandruff (which if left to continue, causes baldness); for cor- recting the injurious effects of cosmetics ; and for washing the delicate skin of infants. PACKER’S TAR SOAP. Don’t forget the name. CELEBRA LADIES' New Palmer House, Chicago. COPvRi AND ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., JRUAKAVER, LADIES’ NUAD TAILOR, HABIT MAKER, 19 EAST 2ter STREET, OULD respectfully announce that he will, as in preceding years, in order to keep his skilled hands’ fully employed, make especial inducements at reduced prices from date to February xsth next. N. B.— All gar- ments made at re duced prices to be embraced=* within the above period. Co. hors IGHYED, TED HATS YorK. 9t4 Chestnut St., Phila. LUNDBORG'S Perfume TES. vo ROLLER BARNEY& BERRY SPRINGF CATAL ae: = Model garments remaining on hand offered at half price. Seal and Astrakhan Coats and Jackets made only of the best quality English-dyed Skins and war- ranted a satisfactory fit. TELD MAS © CU ACE ESTABLI EDENIA LUNDBORG’S * No. THORLEY’S ROSES, 1173, BROADWAY, Under Coleman House, KIMBALL’S SATIN Straight Cut Cigarettes, People of refined taste who desire exceptionally fine cig- arettes should. use only our Straig p in satin packets and boxes of 10s, 208, 508, and 1008, 14 Prize Medals. ‘WM. S. KIMBALL & CO. ISHED 1854. Cut, put New York. Rhenish Cologne, CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHLOSPHITES, Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out merves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness, 56 Wast astu Srrext, New York. For Sate sy Druccists, ox MAM, §1.00. comicbooks.com