Life — December 23, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CALLED BACK. , rather thought, Padre McGlynn, You somewhat of a goose, When you came out and stepped aboard The Henry George caboose. And now you see we were not wrong, For you have raised the dander Of him who lives in ancient Rome, Your daddy, Proper-Gander. * * * ECAUSE a girl stairs you out of countenance is no rea- son for saying she is flighty, any more than stating that whimmen are so called because they are whimsical. * * * yo is a great deal of the literary quality in Mr. WD. Howell’s autograph, which may account for the appearance of “The Mouse Trap,” an alleged farce in the Christmas number of Harfer's Monthly Magazine. * * * E have long suspected Baron Tennyson of having the gout, and his latest poetical feat confirms the sus- icion. Pi * * * NEWSBOY who jumped from the Brooklyn Bridge into the river still languishes in jail. No one will undertake the job of bailing him out. * * * HE armless artist was married recently and signed the wedding contract with her feet. e That was an au-toegraph with a vengeance. * * * THE PROFESSOR AT THE BOARDING HOUSE TABLE. “ ] SE said the professor, biting off three-quarters of his muffin and dipping the rest in his coffee, “ that the newspapers are discussing the question, ‘Does Lying Pay.’ What do you think of it, Mrs. Fogg?” “ Well,” replied the landlady, with a sarcastic smile lighting up her severe features, “I have had nothing but lyingjfrom you for the past four weeks, and it don’t pay me. I think you had better board elsewhere.” “ Yes,” said the professor, pouring the contents of the cream jug over his oatmeal, “I frequently have.” “ Frequently have what?” asked Mrs. Fogg. “Had better board elsewhere,” replied the professor. And the coolness which then arose between landlady and tenant was so severe that those who sat between them had their ears frost-bitten HAT Mr. Cleveland is a well-balanced man is conclu- sively shown by the illustrated weeklies of this city. No ordinary man can stand so many inches out of the per- pendicular as the President is represented as doing when at- tending church, without falling over into the rear pew. * * * ANSWER TO A CORRESPONDENT. IBLIOMANIAC: We think Crushed Levant would be an appropriate binding for your History of the Ottoman Empire. In answer to your other question, how do we play Progressive Jackstraws, we find, on consulting ourselves collectively and individually, that we don’t. * * = INTERCEPTED TELEGRAMS. I. CANADA Dec. 1, 1886, A. J. McQuade, Care of Sheriff, New York. Ah there! Keenan, Moloney, Pd. 30¢. Sayles. Il. New York, Dec. 15, 1886. Keenan, Moloney & Co., Canada. Stay there! Collect 30¢. A. J. McQ. SOCIETY NOTES. r is a delightful innovation on the part of the lady visitors to a pop- ular theatre in this city, to check their hats before entering the If they will go still further and check their conversational habits for the same period, theatre-going will become quite a pleasure. ‘ek are we auditorium. THE engagement is announced of Miss Helen de Trapdoor and Mr. Charles Footlights. Mr. Footlights is the young gentleman who supported Miss de Trapdoor so well in the amateur theatricals at the Academy last winter. It remains tobe seen how Miss de Trapdoor will support Mr. Footlights. * * * M®5- JAMES GOWN TROTTER writes from Paris that her pot of Pompadour Cream is in need of replenishing. * * * BEAUTIFUL costume of moire antique embroidered with pearls and rubies, gored across the shoulders with pale canary crepe, and a Watteau back ew /ab/ier with a girl in it, made a very success- ful debut at the Skatriarchs’ ball last week. * * * OWING to the attitude assumed by the Emperor William toward American pork, Germans will not be danced this winter in Chicago. * * * RS. JOHN J. OYSTER gave a tea on Thursday last, at her resi- dence, on Sixth Ave. Mr. Oyster entertained his friends with an informal Beer in the evening.