Life — December 16, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: WLLy + REALLY QUITE RECENT. «DO you, know that short mustaches like mine are all the rage now ?” asked a Soho youth of his girl. “No; are they ?” she replied. “Yes; they are the latest things out.” “might have known that too, for if they are like yours, they haven't been out long.” — Pittsburgh Chronicle. Cousin FLORENCE: Well, Tommy, and so you like your little friend Philip, do you? and how old do you think he is? Tommy: Well, I don’t exactly know; but I should think he was rather old, for he blows his own nose !— Ex. A PENNSYLVANIA farmer who has been troubled with crows scattered a peck of whiskey-soaked corn inhis field. The crows got inebriated, flew away, and never returned. A Connecticut farmer tried the same thing, and now he finds the crows waiting for him every morning. He does not consider the plan a supreme success. — Vew Haven News. IN the middle of a fast thing with one of the Surrey packs, on a Tuesday, reports a contemporary, one of the field, who was well up in the first flight, went a tremenduous cropper into a brook. The mas- ter heard the noise, looked round, saw that a disaster had happened to somebody, and turning to the first whip, who was close beside him, said, “ Who's that, Will? Hadn’t we better help him out 2” “Oh, returned Will,” coolly, ‘it’s only the parson, sir, and we shant want him till Sunday !— 2x. 389 Guest : How comes this dead fly in my soup? Waiter: In fact, sir, I have no positive idea how the poor thing came by its death. Perhaps it had not taken any food for a long time, dashed upon the soup, ate too much of it, contracted an inflammation of the stomach that brought on death. The fly must have had a weak constitution, for when I served up the soup it was dancing merrily on the surface. Perhaps—and the idea presented itself only at this mo- ment — it endeavored to swallow too large a piece of vegetable ; this remaining fast in its throat, caused a choking in the windpipe. These are the only reasons I can give for the death of that insect !”— Ex. “Wuy, Lam told, my dear friends,” said a temperance orator in a low, earnest tone, ‘that 16,000 liquor saloons are in sight of Trinity Church steeple. 'Now, what do you'think of that?” A voice from near, the entrance replied : “It's wuth climbin’ (hic) up the stairs to see.” — ich. DICK AGREES TO DO HIS BEST, , Youne Winks: Dick, my boy, will your sister be home this even- ing LitTLE Dick : Guesso. It’s only a night or two since I called, but I’d like to call again this evening if I thought she’d be home. Here’s some candy for you, Dick. Thanks, awfully. Now, Dick, I want you to be a good little friend of mine. i T'll be careful not to let her know you're coming.— Omaha ‘orld. Some strolling Thespians were once playing ‘ Macbeth” in a coun- try town, Their properties were not kept in very systematic order, for when the hero of Shakespeare's drama exclaimed : “Is that a dagger that I see before me?” a shrill voice responded from the “ flies”: “No, sir; it’s the putty knife. The dagger’s lost.” — Ex. ONE should FAIL to examine the merits of the IMPERIAL BURNER, which gives the most brilliant and per- fect light produced by any Lamp known. On exhzbition, lighted, in a selection of Lamps specially imported this season BENNETT B. SCHNEIDER, 37 Park Place, New York. The best satisfaction guaranteed, or you can have your money returned. Deseap x ( by CELEBRATED HATS CoPYRi AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. JRRAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR. HABIT MAKER and HATTER oF 19 EAST 2ter STREET, NEW YORK, SOLICITS an Ins tion of his Fall Im- portations in ‘Woolens and Fabrics R Selected from Leading Manufacturers in Euro pean markets, Designs and Styles in Novelties certain to lease are now to beseen By patronsand ladies who t., Phila. ‘ 914 Chestnut St., Phila, require a Perfect Fit LUNDBORG'S Perfume T ean never tell you whether "Twas our hands or lips that met, In that dream-like Eden weather When we two enhaled together Atkinson's Wood Violet. and Strictly Tailor Made ‘oats, Gowns, etc., for House or Ripinc Hasrts Mapg or Fauttirss Fit. EDENIA paid. Also, “LIFE’S VERSES!” Composed of the best poems, selected from “Life,” beautifully bound and illustrated. Cover in colors. The daintiest book evgr published. Price, First Series, $1.50; Second Series, $2.00. Postage “THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.” Second Series. Price, $2.50. Send remittance by check to order of + LIFE - 1155 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. LUNDBORG'S CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. ens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out Rhemish CoLOgMe, | svar premier sod aati cies ti wens td sents 56 Waust ast Street, New Yorx. comicbooks.com