Life — December 9, 1886 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: JeIS§ORS AT NVLLy “A hi SAVING GRACE. MINISTER (at baptismal font): Name, please ? MoTHER (baby born abroad): Philip Ferdinand Chesterfield Ran- dolph y Livingstone. MINISTER (aside, to assistant): Mr. Kneeler, a little more water, please.—Puck, A STRANGER who was quietly looking over a water-power in a Western village was sought out by the Mayor, who said : “7 hear you think of starting a factory ?” “Yes.” “It’s a good place, and you'll find our people all right. put on any great amount of style, nor don’t aim to. We don't Here's a pair of suspenders I have worn for over forty years, though I’m worth fifty | thousand dollars.” : “Ah! Um!” muttered the stranger; ‘but it was a suspender fac- tory I was thinking to locate here.”—Wall Street News. Wire: ‘You haven't been inside of a church since we were mar- ried—there!” HusBanD : ‘No; a burnt child dreads the fire.”—/udge. HAD NOT THE PARDONING POWER. PRISON ATTENNANT: ‘So you don't like the food here, eh?” PRISONERS (én chorus): “ No, we don’t.” PRISON ATTENDANT: ‘Well, if you don’t like what we give you inside these walls, you can go without.” PRISONER: ‘‘ You ain’t the governor of the State. us out.”— 77d Bits, - PACKER’S -- All-Healing Tar Soap. * CUTANEOUS CHARM. * You can’t turn m-HArr>-OmMuM Z-XMO mAro-rmo Ss Peeceuey beneficial to Infants and other persons with delicate skin. Used daily, they are potent Jre- ventives of skin diseases, and also efficacious remedies in the treatment of such diseases. Packer’s Tar Soap—“ The Ladies’ Favorite.” tiseptic, Deodorant, Emollient. 25 cents each. Druggists, Send for Pamphlet. THE PACKER MFG, CO., 100 Fulton Street, New York. An- | fendant or assigned by the Government. 373 A_vicar’s little daughter, on visiting another vicarage, asked: ‘What does your pa want a study for? He doesn’t smoke.—Chicago Living Church.* ‘WHEN you hear a man boast that he has given his wife a check on her birthday, it may be well to inquire whether it was woolen stuff or only cheap calico.—Boston Transcript. Lawyer A.: ‘I've gained my case, old boy, and my client escapes the halter.” Lawyer B: ‘*How did you do it?’ A.: ‘Now you ask me a hard one. The case had been given to the jury and they had been out a couple of hours, when they sent in a communica- tion asking for instructions. It turned out that they only wanted to ask a very trifling, irrelevant question.- They wished to know if the senior counsel for the defense, meaning me, was employed by the de- They were told that I was engaged by the defendant. Well, they returned to their room, and in less than three minutes they again came into court with a verdict ac- quitting my client on the ground of insanity. I never was so surprised in my life.” — Boston Transcript IF there is anything that makes a man long for solitude it is to stand and talk to a man whois breathing the aroma of several brands of poor whisky into his face. A NEW cure for hydrophobia starts with twelve stalks of garlic. But there is such a thing as being alittle too rough, even on hydro- phobia. Mopesty is a beautiful garb for maidens.— Yonkers Gazette. Of course, the weather being cold, they will want something war—— butthen, a sealskin sacque doesn’t destroy the effect of mod- esty at all. — Dansville Breeze. Mrs. CanpipaTE: Oh, I’m so glad the election is over, even if you are beaten. Mr. CANDIDATE: Why, my love ? Mrs. CANDIDATE: Because, now I can tell the butcher just what I think of him for sending us tough steaks without fear of his voting against you. — Railway Advocate. AUTUMN TINTS. HE forest flamed with maples red Among the birch-trees golden, The frost-touched leaves danced in the breeze Athwart pines huge and olden. A maiden on the mountain side, Her heart thrilled with delight, Stood by her love and gazed upon ‘That rare and glorious sight. She sighed and said, “Ah! Nature's tints What artist could portray ! ‘What cunning weaver makes the cloth ‘That holds such tints, I pray !’” Her lover made her choose a leaf Becoming her complexion. “Ah me!” she sighed, ‘ta dress that hue Would simply be perfection !”” thi, - ‘Short days elapsed when to her door In town a package came, Within —the autumn leaf she chose, A dress in hue the same. “ What loveliness! Whose art is this > It leaves naught to desire !”” Lewando's name upon the box Proclaimed the Champion Dyer. comicbooks.com