Life — December 2, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: AN ASSUMED NAME. MANAGER (fo supernumerary) : Tam going to give you a small part in the new play ; do you wish your real name on the bill, or will you use an assumed name ? Sure: I guess I will use an assumed name, M.: Very good; what shall it be ? S.: Signor Vermicelli. | M.: That's a high sounding name; why do you use Vermicelli? Got it out of a cook-book, did you ? S.: Yes, and I use it because I am a supe, you know.— Boston Courier. APPLIED LISZT. Mr. BLIFFERS (to Mis daughter): Eliza, did you read this article about Liszt ? E.iza (at the piano) : Yes, pa. “Did you notice that he said people must play the piano with their soul?” | “Yes, pa.” ; “Well, Eliza, just put your hands in your pocket and play with your soul till I'm through reading.” — Omaha World, “Yes, Mr. Oldboy,” she simpered, ‘I have seen 27Springs. Would | ou think it?” “Well, yes, ma'am, I don't know but what I would,” ir. Oldboy said, ‘and 'I guess some of them springs must have been | very backward." Harper's Bazaar. 345 ‘ I 'vE been on thisroad ten years,” said the conductor onaSouthern railroad to a passenger who complained of the slow time, ‘an’ know what I''m talking about.” ‘Ten years, eh?” said the passenger. “What station did you get on at ?"— Harper's Bazaar. Cot. FraNk B. STocKpripGE built an elegant residence, which largely exceeded his expectations in the matter of cost, as all such enterprises have a vicious way of doing. When it.was completed a friend asked the Colonel if he was through with the work, to which he replied: ‘* Yes, it’s all done but’one thing. I am going to buy a par- rot and place it at the front door, and teach it so that every time I enter the bir will say, ‘Hello, you old fool!’”—Xalamasoo (AMich.) rasette, BaGLey : ‘Come, sir, I wish you would quit puffing that smoke into my face.” PENSTOCK: ‘‘ Doesn't hurt the smoke, my dear sir.” BAGLEY: ‘It hurts me, sir; I detest the smell of tobacco.” PEN- stock: ‘‘ My dear sir, this is not tobacco; it is a five-cent cigar.” — Tobacco Journal. CANDIDATE TO VOTER; I believe you Promised to vote for me. VoTER: I don't recollect. I've promised to vote for so many fellers that I can’t exactly remember. “Take something ?” “Don’t care if Ido. By the way, I believe I did promise to vote for you.” — Goodall’s Chicago Sun. PARENTAL INFLUENCE, Mamma: What is my darling pet thinking of that he is so quiet ? DARLING PET (whose papa has just reproved him for piling sugar on his oatmeal): 1 was thinking how nice it would be if pap would die, and you'd marry Mr. Smith; he always brings me candy, and says I need sweet things. — Pittsburgh Bulletin. HEADQUARTERS FOR STRAIGHT WHISKIES, “OLD CROW” AND HERMITAGE, SOUR MASH. Sold absolutely pure, unsweetened, uncolored. Various ages. None sold less than four years old. Reliable for medical use. ‘We have taken every barrel of Rye Whisky made at the Old Crow Distillery since January, 1872. Sole Agents for The Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Full lines of reliable Foreign Wines, Liquors and Segars. H. B.KIRK & CO., 69 FULTON ST., BROADWAY ano 27TH ST., AND 9 WARREN STREET. ESTABLISHED 1853. = 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. LUNDBORG'S Palmer House, Chicago. cL CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. JAKAUER, LADIES’ TAILOR. HABIT MAKER and HATTER or 19 EAST 21st STREET, NEW YORK, SOLICITS an I tion of his Fall Im- Portations in Woolens and Fabrics Selected from Manufacturers in Euro- Pega markets. esigns and Styles in Novelties certain to Please are now to be seen y patronsand ladies who 9x4 Chestnut St., Phila. by patrons and Indies who | branches of Decorative Perfume ESSONS IN ART.—Classes in Oil and Water Color Painting, Drawing, and the various TWENTY-THIRD STREET. Circulars, giving full particulars, sent free. MRS. AMOS and MISS COOK. and Strictly Tailor Made jackets, Coats, Gowns, etc., ete., for Art. rive, House or No. 36 EAST Rupinc Hasits Mane or Fauttiass Fit, EDENIA LUNDBORG’S paid. Also, “LIFE’S VERSES!” Composed of the best poems, selected from “Life,” beautifully bound and illustrated. Cover in colors. The daintiest book ever published. Price, First Series, $1.50; Second Series, $2.00. Postage “THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.” Second Series. Price, $2.50. Send remittance by check to order of + LIFE - 1155 BROADWAY, NEW YORK, Rhenish Cologne. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 56 West asx Street, Naw York. For Save sy Druacists, or Matt, $1.00. comicbooks.com