Life, 1886-11-04 · page 13 of 16
Life — November 4, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Waste of Time" - Life Magazine Humor Page This page collects brief comedic anecdotes mocking professional and domestic absurdities. The "Waste of Time" cartoon isn't illustrated—it's a joke about a theatre manager rebuking an actress for curling her hair before rehearsal when she didn't need to be present anyway, exposing the manager's own illogical thinking. Other jokes target: a botany student's nervous rambling, a college student who learned nothing but menu items as a hotel waiter, actors claiming exhaustion (one actor's "rest" at Washington consisted of ignoring Mrs. Cleveland's theatre visit to socialize elsewhere), and domestic mishaps involving children investigating adult behavior or disobeying parental warnings about peaches. The humor is gentle, middle-class satire focused on everyday human folly rather than political targets. The "St. Louis" and "St. Paul" jokes contain mild regional rivalry between Midwestern cities—contemporary readers would recognize these as local jabs.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WASTE OF TIME. THE following passage of arms occurred/between the manager of a large provincial theatre and a member of his company : Manager : “Late again to rehearsal, hang it!” Actress: ‘Yes, I was having my hair curled!” Manager: ‘You had no need te be present on the occasion !”— Budapester Tagblatt. PROFESSOR (to foot of botany class): Mention some of our common trees STUDENT: Ash, maple, elm, larch, locust, spruce, pine, horse—— (taking breath). PROFESSOR (prompting) STUDENT: All right, si Bits. PROFESSOR (who has told the young men to bring in an essay on an original subject): Well, Mr. Saunders, what have you got to-day ? (OLLEGIAN (who has spent the summer as a waiter at one of the mountain hotels) : Er—roast beef, roast pork, fish, and corned beef,— Tid-bits. First ACTOR : No, I have not had a moment's rest since the sea- son opened. SECOND Actor: I rested a whole evening at Washington. “How did you get such a chance 2” “Well, yousee Mrs. Cleveland came to the theatre, and as no one paid any attention to the stage we all went back to the hotel and got the bell-boy to walk about and chatter a little, so they wouldn’t miss us.” —Omaha World, : Chestnut ? if you've heard ‘em before, I'll stop. — Tid- 281 ONE FOR ST. LOUIS. LANDLORD OF HOTEL: I see we have a newly-married couple here —Mr. Hiram Leeper and bride —but the register doesn’t say where they are from, CLERK: I heard him ask her at breakfast this morning: ‘‘Would you like some of them molasses, Susie ?” Landlord takes pen and writes “St. Louis” on register opposite to their names.—Chicago Tribune. HE FOUND OUT, “ JouNNy,” said Mrs, Jones, “what are you taking that bucket ot water down to the chicken-coop for 2” “Going to pour it over our old hen.” “Why, what for?” ‘Cause I wanted to find out how Pa kissed the hired girl. Pa said — But Johnny didn’t need to pursue his researches any further. found out right then. — Merchant Traveler. As for little Joe, he would eat the ripe peaches, in direct disobedi- ence, too. His love for them overcame everything else. In despair his mother said : Joey, if you zv/ do so, I shall perhaps lose my little boy ; for you will certainly be sick and die unless you obey me.” “If do die,” Joey responded cheerfully, ‘I guess they'll be glad to see me come to heaven, I'll be so full of peaches.” — 2x. ad you'd be if you knew that He NO ST, PAUL RELICS FOR HIM, “« Have you heard of that interesting case down East of a woman who was cured of paralysis by the miraculous power of a relic of St. Paul?” “Yes, I have; but I'm from Minneapolis, and I wouldn't touch a relic of St. Paul with a ten-foot pole.” — The Rambler. Just Published. THE ROMANCE OF THE MOON. Sj Vis Junvap X Co. Pen and Ink Drawings, illustrating a Quaint Tale of the Origin of the Dew. By J. A, Mitchell (the Editor of Lire.) 12mo, illuminated cover, $1.00. A FORTNIGHT IN HEAVEN. An Unconventional Romance. By Harold Brydges. ramo, $1.25. KLAUS BEWER'S WIFE. From the German of Paul Lindau, by Clara S. Fleishman. x6mo. Leisure Hour Series, $1.00; Leisure Season Series, 50 cents. Henry Holt & Co., 29 W. 28d St., N.Y. LUNDBORG'S Palmer House, Chicago. Pag copymlexvED. CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. KRAKAURR, LADIES’ TAILOR. HABIT -MAKER and HATTER or 19 EAST 21er STREET, NEW YORK, GOLICITS an Inspection of his Fail Importations in Woolens and Fabrics jected from Leading Manufacturers in Euro- Pean marion Styl esigns and Styles in Novelties certain to lease are now to beseen by patrons and ladies who require a Perfect Fit and Strictly Tailor Made jackets, Coats, Gowns, 4 bet. 22d & 23d Sts., 9t4 Chestnut St., Phila. raps,’ etc., etc., for HE BRIDE ¥WHITE HOUSE By F. H. WILLIAMS. Pull Biography of President Cleveland's Wife, with a BEAUTIFUL PORTRAIT, duly authorized by her. Price 25 Cents. Agents wanted, Write for particulars. BRADLEY & COMPANY, 66 N. 4th 8t. Phila the Drive, House or Street. Perfume EDENIA LUNDBORG'S Rhenish Cologne. Rivne Hasits Mave or Fauttirss Frr. “LIFE’S VERSES!” Composed of the best poems, selected from “Life,”” beautifully bound and illustrated. Cover in colors. The daintiest book ever published. Price, $1.50, postage paid. Also, “THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.” Second Series. Frice, $2.50 Send remittance by check to order of + LIFE - 1155 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 56 Wasr asrx Srrest, Naw York. For Sate sy Druccists, or Matt, $1.00. comicbooks.com