Life — October 21, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANOTHER HUMAN FREAK. | BUSINESS MAN: Been off again, ech? Dine Museum Man:: Yes. | Iam nearly driven to death trying to get attractions ; never saw such a scarcity of freaks, a “Well, I heard the other day of a man in Dakota who walked seventy-five miles to pay a bill.”— Omaha World, | THE EDITOR. Tuis concerning a brother of the paste pot and shears, the episode having occurred in the editorial sanctum : Epitor (tapping bell violently) : Where's that boy ? Enter office boy, who stands a full minute at the editor’s elbow wait- ing orders. Then at length: Here Iam, Mr. Blank. | EDITOR (without taking his eyes from his manuscript) : Well, what do you want?— Boston Record. CHICAGO MAN : Suppose you saw all there was to be seen in-Rome, Charley ? RETURNED EUROPEAN TRAVELER: Oh, yes; went all around. I tell you you ought to visit the amphitheatre there. It’s grand. CuIcaco Man: What kind of a show were they giving there when you went, Charley ?— 7id-Bits, FRED, three years old, and his baby sister were to have a drink of water. Fred reached for the glass, saying : ‘ Et me have it firss,” but mamma said, “No, little. girls always first.” Sir Fred replied, ‘' No! gen’lemen firss. They're just as sirsty as girls !"— Ex. % A WARRIOR BOLD. Pron, late private in the Marines, who has recently returned from Tonquin with a wooden leg, called the other day on his friend Guibol- lard, who exclaimed with his wonted fervor : ‘ Brave warrior, thanks to you, France has now one foot in the remote East...” “Right you are,” replied Piton, ‘* Twas I who left it there!" — Vie Parisienne. ° PRECAUTIONS AGAINST FIRE. NERVOUS OLD Lapy (on seventh floor of hotel): Do you know — what precautions the proprietor of the hotel has taken against fire ? PoRTER: Yis,mum. He has the place inshoored for twice wot it’s worth. — Ex. Wuen the Tenth Regiment, U. S. Infantry, was ordered to New Mexico from the ‘* Lake Region,” the little son of a captain did not approve of the orders of the general of the army, and indeed seriously objected to the change. He had heard much of the dreariness of the wild West, and the Sunday morning before the departure of his father’s company said to his parents : ‘t Come, now, let us go to church and say good-bye to God." — Babyhood. ANOTHER child at a boarding house, who had made friends with chile dren of a family who were about to leave, saw with disappointment the advent of a gentleman and wife without children. She anxiously asked mother concerning them: ‘‘Why is it, mamma, that Mr.and Mrs. — Blank have no little children? Are they bachelors ?” — Babyhood. First LitTLe Kino : What's the matter in Bulgaria ? SeEcoND LITTLE KING: Prince Alexander has been deposed. “Was he given any warning ?? “No.” “« Not even a week’s notice ?” “No, just kicked out.” ‘Well, I think it’s time us kings had a trades union.” — Omaha HEADQUARTERS FOR STRAICHT WHISKIES, “OLD CROW” & HERMITACE, SOUR MASH. Sold absolutely pure, unsweetened, uncolored, Various ages. None sold less than four years old. Reliable for medical use. We have taken every barrel of Rye Whisky madeat the Old Crow Distillery since January, 1872. Sole Agents for The. Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Full lines of reliable Foreign Wines, Liquors and Segars. H.B. KIRK & CO. AND 9 WARREN STREET. ESTABLISHED 1853. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., and 181 Broadway, COPYRIGHTED, 9 | CELEBRATED HATS Sy 69 FULTON ST., BROADWAY ano 27TH ST., | AND LADIES' ROUND HATS. | KKAAKAUER, LADIES’ TAILOR. HABIT MAKER and HATTER or 19 EAST 21st STREET, NEW YORK, OLICITS an Inspection of his Fall Importation in Woolens and Fabrics RSelected from Leading Manufacturers in Euro~ pean markets, Designs and Styles in Novelties certain to lease are now to beseen y patrons and ladies who require a Perfect Fit ind S. rictly ‘Tailor Made bet. 22d & 23d Sts., near Cortland St., 9t4 Chestnut St., Phila. Perfume | Great joy in Noah it begat ‘When he'came down from Ararat — No duffer gray Was there to say : “Pye seen a far worse flood than that.” jackets, Coats, Gowns, fo Wraps” corte or the Drive,’ House or > Street. ae Ripine Hasrrs Maps or Favzrinss Fir, EDENIA LUNDBORGS “LIFE’S VERSES!” Composed of the best poems, selected from “Life,” beautifully bound and illustrated. Cover in colors. The daintiest book ever published. Price, $1.50, postage paid. Also, “THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.” Second Series, Price, $2.50 Send remittance by check to order of - LIFE - 1155 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. Rhenish Cologne. { CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 56 Wust 25TH Street, Naw York. For Sar BY Druacists, oR Matt, $1.00. omicbooks.com