Life — October 14, 1886 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WANTED AN EARTHQUAKE. “OH, Miss Brown, who was that homely young lady you were with this after- noon ?” “That, sir? That was my | sister.” | “Oh — ah —I — 1 beg 10,000 pardons!. I ought to | have noticed the great re- semblance! That is— that ale Then he wished an earth- quake would happen right then and there. — Zx. WE shall never be quite satisfied with the indepen- dence of this great and glori- ous country until we can sit down with the bill of fare printed in plain United States. f we must eat “' pommes sur- prises,” why not call them “surprised apples " and done with it? ‘‘ Salade panachee” may be a more convenient term than ‘salad comprising | all sorts of aches,” but what is | the American language good | for if we can’t eat and live by it ?—Springfield Union. ! CusToMER: Will you please show me your engagement | rings? I would like to get a dozen. JEWELER: What on earth do you want with a dozen en- gagement rings ? CusToMER : I am a West Point cadet — JEWELER: Ah, certainly. Excuse ‘me. — Detroit Free Press. Many men will walk arm and arm with the devil until | they reach the church door. —Ex. | She: | DON’T SEE WHY WOMEN SHOULD NOT MAKE AS GOOD SWIMMERS AS MEN. j He: YES—BUT YOU SEE A SWIMMER HAS TO KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT. | DEARER THAN ALicta (plaintit nald, why do. you me asof yore? Youu Oh, heavens!” | “Nay, nay! sweet. Y¢ still dear—in fact, about times as dear as you be. "— Philadelphia Ce | Iris stated that el | will put a piano out of} What is more badly nj is something a little | powerful than elects something that will pu’ tain pianos out of the next door. — Ex. An English periodica viewing General Gri Memoirs, says that ‘“¢ was the son of a farmer] gave him a much bett cation than he had hi received,” that ‘‘ the ci obliged 'Grant to beco! soldier, in which capaci served’ for fourteen 3 when he again took to 7 ing, which he had to | quish on account of health;” that ‘he the! came successively estatea clerk in a store, Senato President.” It is a strange that the Englis viewer should have | looked the fact that ¢ was also once a steat captain, manager of a opera company, pitcher base-ball nine, and Goy of Brooklyn. — Norris Herald. HODODENDRONS Being the representatives in America for John Watterer & Sons, the famous English Rhododendron growers, we can offer these splendid flowering Ever- greens in any quantity, and at the lowest prices con- sistent with the well-known high quality of this firm’s productions. Prices $3 to $12 per dozen ; $15 to $75 per hundred, freight from England added. Standards and specimens, $2 to $15 each. Small orders filled from stock in our nursery. Orders of $25 and up- wards may be selected from Messrs. Watterer’s cata- logue, the largest and best collection in the world, and orders taken now for spring delivery will be shipped in our care direct from England. Safe arrival and satisfaction guaranteed. Full particulars and our superb illustrated catalogue of Rosgs, Hardy Plants and Bulbs, sent free. B.-A. ELLIOTT CO., PITTSBURG, PA. ‘| JOHN PATTERSON & CO. Tailors & Importers, To. 436 Sirth Avenue, Ladies’ Department, Hoe a31 Fiat Avenue, | Hew Work. KIMBALL’S SATIN STRAIGHT CUT CIGARETTES. People of refined taste who desire excepioually fine cigar- ettes should use only our Straight Cut, put up in satin packets and boxes of ros. 20s. 50s. and 100s. 14 Prize Medals. ‘WM. S. KIMBALL & CO. SHE was the wife of a bank cashier, enjoying herself at Niagara. Sit- ting on the hotel piazza with a friend, she re- marked that her husband could not come very well because he was ‘‘tied to his business.” “An excellent precau- tion,” said her friend, ‘‘ with Canada so near.” And now they don’t speak to each other. — spas lee ste Siftings. First COMMERCIAL Tourist (from Charles- ton): Earthquakes have become so common in Charleston that no one notices them. SEconpD Ditto (from San Francisco) : Yes, one soon grows accustomed to such things. In San Ber- nardino, for instance, you call for'a sherry flip, and the barkeeper, having pre- pared the ‘ingredients, | waits for an earthquake to come along and shake | em: RURAL PASSENGER (much impressed): Well, | I swan!— Exchange, | i | | | “Ts any one waiting on y iz | you?” inquired the polite | salesman of a Westville maiden. ‘Well, I can't | | hardly tell,” she blushing- | ly replied. ‘Sometimes | think there is and then | again I ain't certain, but | Will’s so sort of funny, | you. know,” and then she | blushed again and asked | to look at some lace col- lars— New Haven News. | ORIENTAL DEPARTMENT. W. & J. SLOAN Have Just Opened their Fall Stock o: PERSIAN, INDIA AND TURKEY CARPE in choice designs and colorings. Among the la‘ will be found Oushak, Ghiordes, Bahndure, Ki: Sivas, and the new quality known as Afg! w) possesses all the lustre and sheen of the” Anti Carpet. The attention of connoisseurs is especially c to a very fine assortment of small Antique Rugs. Broadway, 18th & roth Sts, NEW YORK. — comicbooks.com