Life — October 7, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ABATE THE NUISANCE. E wish that Mephistopheles, With his fires and his prongs, Would get a solid grip upon Those fiends with chestnut gongs. ‘They ring up stories old and new, From New Orleans to Sing Sing, And ne'er a rest has mortal man From their incessant ting-ting. The “jokes” upon the thing itself Are worse than the procession Of ancient gags, which heretofore Has bolstered the “‘ Profession.” So let the Paragraphers now, Who sit all day the desk at, Join in the chorus o’er its corse, “In Pace Requiescat.” * * * ONES: No, we don’t think it was you who discovered America. * * * |A ‘ [2 moves 192,000 miles per second. Sound moves 743 miles a second, and scandal travels around the world in no time. * * * RECENT attempt to obtain an instantaneous photo- graph of a Knight of Labor at work failed, because the | knight didn’t work that long. F there is one thing that quicker than another will drive a | man to drink, it is thirst. * * * OVERS of freaks should eschew the Bowery museums and spend an afternoon with the Aqueduct Commis- sion. The bearded lady is nowhere alongside of the two-legged Fish, Jr. z i ‘ R. JONES has telegraphed Schwatka to discover a | creek at his expense and name it after Dana, so as) | to shut up the Szz on the subject of the Jones River. * ‘* * BOSTON house advertises a “ Boston dictionary.” We have long been afraid of this. Boston has left New York and other American cities so far in the rear in the race for culture, that she can’t scrape along on the words in Webster. * * * HE Emperor William has gone to Ems, possibly to get the latest gossip from Sofia. * * * CTOBER is named from the numeral Octo, which ap- plies to the eighth month in the Roman Calendar, and Burr, a delicate allusion to the opening of the chestnut season. * * * LANTS, as a rule, are serviceable for the purifying effect they have on the atmosphere. which we may mention a soap-boiling plant, newspaper plant and others. * * * “ APTIZED WITH A CURSE” is the title of a volume recently published by the Harpers. The baby must have been immersed in a dam. * * * CONCERNING TITLES. YOUNG poet, who is shortly to revenge himself on the world by publishing a volume of verses, writes to ask | usto suggest a title for his book. Our young friend may not know it, but he did just the right thing in communicating with us, as a part of our profession consists in furnishing ideas to other people. We have in stock a large supply of conceits | which apply to every walk in life, and at moderate rates we | are prepared to suggest names for anything, from a new brand of soap to a brand-new baby. Our titles for volumes of verses are, for the most part, we deem it necessary to state, adaptations from the works of other but not greater poets than ourselves. Our correspondent must be aware that in many instances the title will sell the book, and he may accept an assurance that the titles we suggest to him have been suggested to us | by books that have sold to a gratifying extent. Mr. Bunner’s “ Airs From Arcady ” was very well received by an admiring public, and we doubt not that “ Whispers From Weehawken” will attract many who will be struck by the similarity of titles. If there happens to be a misfit | here there are such others as “Screams From Schoharie,” | with the accent on the extreme end of the post-penultimate ; “Howls From Hoboken,” “Pipings From Peekskill,” or “Chirrups From Chicago.” The poet can take his choice. Mr. Fawcett’s “ Romance and Reverie,” sends the titulist into thoughts of “ Peaches and Potatoes.” Mr. Bates’ “ Berries of the Brier,” suggests “ Thistles of the Thicket.” Mr. Scol- lard’s “ Pictures in Song,” is a good basis for “The Rogues’ Gallery, or Tin-Types in Sing Sing,” and so forth, ad znjfin. Any one of these our correspondent may have if he will relinquish to us, our heirs, and assigns forever all his right, claim and title in, to or for the postage stamps he inclosed for a reply. We beg to observe in conclusion that when Mr. Hallam | Tennyson applied to us for a title for a book of selections There are some plants that are excepted, however, among | from his father’s poems, we sent him “Chips from the Old Block,” which struck him so forcibly that he gave up the enterprise. Geo. W. Me. comicbooks.com