Life — September 9, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“THREE LITTLE MAIDS.” Their Strong Points. THE MAIDEN OF SISTERLY LOVE, HY maidens fair, oh Quaker Town, E’en those of low degree, Are at their best when talking of Their lengthy pedigree. THE NEW YORK MAID. Well, this one ‘s strong on many points. But especially is skittish, When you can get her harping on Most anything that 's British. YE BOSTONNE LASSIE. ’T would take four columns to put down On what this lady gloats, But she’s a dazzler when she speaks Bout Buddha, Beans and Boats. ENVOI. But they are all nice girls ! * * * ES, indeed, Henrietta, there are plenty of bells that never ring. Any one of those fifty thousand old maiden belles up in Massachussetts, for instance. * * * T takes so many men nowadays to run a horse car that | there is no room left for the passengers. The Broadway road should divide its receipts with the police | who accompanied the cars through thick and thin in the late strike, on the principle that none but the brave deserve the fare. * * * HAT do these Anarchists want, anyhow ? asks a con- stant reader. After a close study of the matter, we think they want what some of them will get — hanging. * * * WASHINGTON paper accuses the President of lying. And yet the President only claims to have caught one miserable little trout in two weeks ! * * * is [ ‘HE small boy evinces a willingness to do any amount of chores nowadays, especially green apple chores. | (A Sun's cat says that the most difficult subject for a reporter to handle is a big fire. A large number of reporters will have a hard time of it in the hereafter, then, if their sins find them out. A LL jokes on imitation buttercups being called oleomar- garine cups will be summarily Squired, 2. e. bounced. * * * WESTERN poet rejoices in the name of Gassaway. He is appropriately called if his published poems are | fair samples of his work. * * * R. DANA having sailed for Europe, the Sun is ina hard way for brilliant young men to write up the Great Yacht Race. We do not believe that the accomplished. proprietor of the Sun has gone abroad to join Henry Ward Beecher in a walk- ing tour through Siberia. * * * HERE is a man over in Brooklyn who has been robbed so many times that he has taken out his burglar alarm | and replaced it with a chestnut indicator. * * * T is now asserted that the recently deceased rhinoceros at the Central Park committed suicide, because he had come so far to find that the belt for thick skin was held by a recently indicted millionaire of New York. * * * LET HIM COME HOME. R. JOHN C. ENO is said to be anxious to return to the scene of his early financial triumphs. Let him return by all means. He will have a fair chance of being well received by our self-constituted first people. He has money, doubtless, and his long residence under the British domination has probably anglicized him sufficiently to make him a welcome addition to New York Society. He will be indicted, of course, by the Grand Jury, but what of that? Our present praiseworthy District Attorney will certainly not reach his case until the twentieth or twenty-first century, and a man of Mr. Eno’s habits has a good chance of dying before that time. Quebec must be horribly dull to a man of his tastes, there being no real society there, merely a tinsel imitation of a Court at certain seasons of the year, and not enough money | in the whole province to interest an American Financier of his calibre. Why, it is positive cruelty to keep him there! Certainly he should return, and bring Marm Mandlebaum with him, and in a few years, when Fish, and Ward, and Squire, and Flynn get out of the toils there will be good stock upon which to found an American Aristocracy which shall be based upon the greatness of past achievements — not upon mere brains, as our present Brittania-ware no- bility likes to think itself. ¥. K. Bangs. comicbooks.com