Life — August 19, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SCRAPS. T has been stated by a scien- tist that the Red Tail, a lit- tle bird, will catch goo flies in an hour, The Red Tail ought to make a record at baseball. * * * | R. DIXEY is superior to Mr. Irving in one re- spect. Irving never could have offici- ated as the hind legs of any kind of a heifer—unless, perhaps, one with the epizooty. * * * I" is not strange that the Texans should show much spirit in the Mexican embroglio. | They have been storing large quantities of it fora long time past. Besides, it is not in the nature of the Texan to take water. * * * HE N. Y. Séar, like many other stars, suffers from bad support. pouBTS OF DARWINISM. The New Chimpanzee: OTHER SIDE OF THE QUESTION. WELL, WELL, WHEN I SEE A THING LIKE THAT I, TOO, HAVE ECHOES FROM SUMMER RESORTS. BAR HARBOR, MT, DEsERT, August 12th. EAR MR. EDITOR—I am here for my health. I have to continually remind myself of this fact, for the whirl of gayety has been such that during the last week I have had but six hours’ sleep, and am forced to realize that if this sort of thing lasts much longer I shall become the premature occupant of bachelor quarters in Abraham’s bosom. In case I really do die, how I wish that I could go to Balti- more instead of Paradise! The latter must seem a low- down, back street, sort of place in comparison with the former, that is if the Baltimore contingent of loveliness that we have here is a fair sample. Strange to say I have never fallen in with any Baltimoreans before; I have now, though, | over head, ears and bald spot, and am still falling! Oh dear! Oh dear! there always was something about a blonde that | did for me in the Very first round! I suppose it ’s because | I ’m a mahogany bay myself. There ’s no use fighting against it, however; I might just as well drop and be trampled on now as a little later. Deary me! what a mis- fortune it is to have an affectionate disposition combined | with a hollow-hearted pocketbook ! speculation and turn to facts. However, let us drop I am happy to say that coasting parties at the Belmont | are beginning to take the place of “rocking.” This latter sport istaltogether too dangerous ; it means—as you prob- ably know—sitting with your best girl on the rocky shore among the drains from the cottages and trying to stare the moon out of countenance ; like the owl, you do n’t say much, but you keep up a heap of thinking. I have been rocking three times with three different girls, and got engaged to | two of them; the third—in true prize-fighting style—asked for “time,” and I'm letting her have it; she can have all she wants; there ’s nothing mean about me, goodness knows! : As I said before, rocking is altogether too dangerous, but the coasting parties are simply glorious! The sport consists in sliding down the Belmont’s front staircase on tin tea-trays; and the way in which you come down, shoot out the front door, and land in a heap in the driveway, is just too jolly and artistic for anything ! Oh! if you only could have been here to see our tableaux at the Rodick—they are simply immense! I was the Hu- guenot lover and also Tell’s son. I was selected for the first réle because there was nobody else to take it; and the second was assigned to me because the apple showed up so plainly on my bald Queen Anne roof. The “ Huguenot Lovers ” would have been a huge success if I had not unfortunately sneezed just at the supreme moment. “Tell shooting the Apple” was, however, very | successful, although my head proved to be so slippery that the apple would n’t stay on it, and so they had to stick it on with some cement. It must have been awfully good cement, for it is on there yet, together with a piece of the apple, and in order to get it off I suppose I shall have to soak my head in boiling water, just as though it was a postage stamp on a comicbooks.com