Life, 1886-08-12 · page 12 of 16
Life — August 12, 1886 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Steamboat Battery" - Life Magazine Satire This is a humorous satirical piece responding to a real problem: passengers missing Albany Day Line steamboats because the vessels depart on strict schedules and cannot return to the dock. The satire proposes an absurd "solution" inspired by P.T. Barnum's circus act of shooting a man from a cannon without injury. The joke suggests the steamboat company should install cannons on the pier to literally *shoot* late passengers onto the departing boat—a ridiculous escalation of the inconvenience. The piece catalogs mock "artillery" for different passenger types: mortars for heavy gentlemen, a Gatling gun for families, howitzers for bachelors, and even a mortar specifically for baggage. The accompanying illustration shows comically oversized weapons and a woman being launched. The humor lies in the absurd literalism—taking a circus stunt as precedent for solving a mundane scheduling problem through dangerous, theatrical means. It's period-specific satire about steamboat operations and Barnum's famous performances.
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HE _per- former in Barnum’s circus has proved that a man may be repeatedly shot from a cannon, with- out injury to himself or his relatives. Now to make oneself a hu- man shot would seem to infer that, though you might start from the cannon intact, your body, on issuing at the mouth, would lose its cohesiveness, as it were. But the Barnum man refutes such seemingly correct conclusions, by keeping himself to- gether, and enjoying robust health—in fact this human grape-shot lives, and is happy. It having thus been proved that a man may be shot from a cannon, uninjured, it remains to be seen if this act can be turned to some better advantage than simply causing the momentary amusement of an idle circus crowd; THE STEAMBOAT BATTERY. “Time, Tide, Steamboats and Soda Water wait for no Man.” : —Old Saw Refiled. and with this problem the Albany Day Boats are now busied. At each departure of these boats, as they draw out into the stream, belated travelers wildly rush down the pier, only to find that they are an instant—but an instant ! too late. There is the boat, possibly not more than fifty feet away, and yet they cannot get aboard! "Tis a loss to the would-be tourist, in time; and a material loss to the boat, in fare. The steamer cannot return to the dock as she is already under headway; and, beside, must keep to her schedule departure hour. Fr Now the proper thing, according to the Albany Day Line managers, would be a steamboat battery at the end of their pier, consisting of such guns as are used by Barnum's acrobat; or better, to have field pieces, of various calibre, for the different styles of steamer patrons. Acting on this idea, they will soon have in place an ex- perimental battery, consisting of the following : 1 Mortar (109 calibre), for stout gentlemen (over 250 pounds). 1 Gatling revolving gun (1,809 calibre), with seven chambers, for con- secutive firing. This will be the family gun, projecting the old man and his complete brood almost simultaneously. 1 Heavy bore howitzer, for bachelors. r Quaker gun, for old maids—and, finally, 1 Mortar for baggage—everything from the trunk to the bag of peanuts. The belated traveler crawls into a pier gun that is war- ranted to carry him at least two hundred feet, the stevedore touches the fuse, and then he is safely shot aboard his steamer. With such a battery in active operation, the man who is left will get there just the same. Wallace Peck. SCRAPS. | INONA, Minn., has a | popular politician named Lonely. He is probably honest. Hon- est politicians generally are more or less that way. * * * ISS BRADDON is writ- ing a tale entitled, Zz- gaged In Haste. It is probably a satire on the Messenger Boys. * * * IR THOMAS BASS been made a Peer. From the Peerage to Beerage is but a step. N. HOT WEATHER DELICACIES. B.—THIS IS NOT THE EDITOR OF LIFE. comicbooks.com