Life — July 15, 1886 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

34 as he sighed: “ Awful sorry for you, old fellow, but can’t help you—dead broke.” I assured him that it was advice, not money, that I needed. Then he flung his arms about my neck and wept. He forgot he was busy, and poured out his advice in torrents for an hour and a quarter. Then he borrowed ten dollars and we parted. I have never seen him since. He advised me to become a_book-agent. The idea tickled me. ‘“ Revenge is sweet.” If ever I did cherish a feeling of envy and hatred toward any fellow-mortal, it was toward that bore, through whose baneful influence I had become a subscriber to “ Macpherson’s “Illumi- nated Manual of Chirographical Errors,” and “ Knownothing’s Essence of the Unknowable,” which latter work was to appear in seventy- nine weakly dolour parts. Ah! I might bore him in return! I became a book-agent. During the next three weeks I climbed nine hundred and thirteen staircases, interviewed eleven hun- dred and thirty heads of families, and was kicked out of nineteen doorways, while selling one copy of “ Buddensiek’s Every Man his own Builder.” Yes, I did sell one copy; eleven installments whereon remain unpaid to this day. And now I come to my point. Why did I undertake the study of medicine? [ really don’t know. It must have been because I could not think of anything else to do. I had been so long in a state of impatient waiting for some- thing to turn up, that it seemed as though even Patient-waiting would be a change for the better. EL Fi L: IND FRIEND (to boy suffering tortures from toothache): With such fine white teeth as you have, Georgie, you ought not to have the toothache. Georgie: O dear! Outwardly they are whited sepulchres, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. THE SILVER LINING. Caller: YeS, THE DRAINS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD ARE IN A SHOCKING CONDITION. WHY DON’T YOU COMPLAIN TO THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT ? Doctor's Wife: COMPLAIN! MY HUSBAND EXPECTS TO FURNISH THE NEW BILLIARD ROOM OUT OF THEM. ON evening last winter a party at the theatre were greatly annoyed by a child behind, who kept up a steady fire of questioning about the play, which happened to be “The Lady of Lyons.” Finally the climax was reached when he inquired: “That’s Mr. Lyons, ain't it? and that’s Mrs. Lyons, ain’t it? well, now, I want to see the baby lions.” O N’T be so stuck up,” as the feather bed said to the wall-paper, “You are down enough for both of us,” replied the paper. “ UNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER (reading to the class): If a man light a candle doth he put it under a bushel ? Small Pupil: No, but pa says that if a woman has a lamp, she puts an awning around it, that is worse than two bushels. GS: A LITTLE BEHIND THE TIMES—The new World building. PRIVATE THEATRICALS. E: That Miss Wells will never do anything on the stage. SHE: Why not? Her acting is charming. HE: Oh! I do n't know anything about ¢haz. SHE: What then? . HE: Don’t know how to get herself up. style. SHE: Are n't you rather hard on her ? HE: No. I know what I’m talking about. would wear the things she does. SHE: Do n't be quite so vague. your superior judgment. I should like to profit by HE: Oh! come now—that’s good. As if anyone could improve on your taste. Why, you ’re the best dressed girl in town. SHE: Thanks, but I’m open to suggestions, come——. HE: Well, then, her strings are loud—so unmistakably cheap. SHE: What, for instance ? HE: That parasol she carries, vulgar and shoddy, you know. SHE: And awkward to carry. HE: How do you know? SHE: Bought one like it myself to-day. No idea of No real lady comicbooks.com