Life, 1886-07-08 · page 11 of 16
Life — July 8, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Automatic Dummy Bovine Usher" This satirical piece mocks the practical problem of loading cattle onto ships—steers refuse to board gang-planks first, causing costly delays at ports. The article proposes an absurd solution: a mechanical dummy cow branded with all Western and Southern cattle ranch marks, which would amble back and forth to lead real cattle aboard by making them recognize it as a "brother of the ranch." The satire targets both the frustrating inefficiency of cattle loading and the era's faith in mechanical automation as a solution to every problem. The cartoon illustrations show the dummy in action. The Irish longshoreman's observation opens the piece, establishing the genuine animal-behavior problem before proposing this ridiculous gadget—poking fun at inventors who overcomplicate simple issues with unnecessary machinery. Wallace Peck (the credited author) suggests that animals follow leaders instinctively, so a branded dummy would exploit this trait absurdly.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
G) POUR in his “ Impressions of a ’Longshoreman,” aptly says: “Divil a steer can yiz git to go fuwst up a gang-plank, unliss yiz can make some other steer go ahead av him ; an’ its meself has often wondhered whoy two min could n't make up like a heifer, an’ by goin’ back and forth on the gang-plank decave the rale bastes into follyin it aboord.” Here is a keen insight into animal nature—followed by a pregnant suggestion. We know the elephant, the horse, the cow, the mule, and THE DUMMY AT WORK. all other animals, shrink from going /irs¢ into any strange place; and it would take an unknown quantity of com- 25 pound hydraulic power to make one of the above mentioned brutes budge an inch beyond the halting point marked out by its sovereign intellect. This is just where the animal's bump of locality sz/houettes itself against the horizon, and all the bumps on man’s cranium can- not alter the situation. . Occasionally, however, a trained brute will lead the way, when— presto/—the rest follow without hesitation, reasoning, doubtless, that the first will not lead them where its own hide will be endangered. This shows that 847% of faith, which has also caused many a human animal to follow 42s leader to harmful places. But, unfortunately, this trained guide is scarce, consequently many a good steamer has to wait and whistle, while our Celtic (seaboard) cowboys wrestle with the animated cattle brands, and get them aboard in homeeopathic quantities. Those who “ go down to the sea in ships ” know that one landlubber of a mule can be the cause of more gang- plank athletics than could be wit- nessed in our choicest gymnasium—and who can blame the steamer for finally cursing, z. ¢., blowing off steam ? How can this be remedied? How can cattle loading be facilitated ? Simply by using ,the new automaton Dummy Bovine Usher, which, when wound, will amble back and forth on the aS Set tos fast, gang-plank, and usher each lot of brutes to steamer quar- ters, The marvel of this invention is the introduction of com- pound branding. Observe. Over the dummy’s body, from its horns to its hindermost, are stamped all the brands of our southern and western cattle ranches, the result of which will be that each steer, as it. approaches, will recognize, some- where, the trade mark of its fatherland; and, consequently, concluding that the dummy is a brother of the ranch, follow without fear or further comment. “ Soo bossy, soo !” Wallace Peck. comicbooks.com