Life — July 1, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: READY FOR ANYTHING, AS Irishman applied to a lady who had taken a house at Bray for the summer for employment. ‘ But, my good man,” replied the lady, *‘ I have brought my servants with me. I have nothing for you to do.” ‘Ah, thin, ma’am, if ye only knew how little work it ’d take to occupy me!"—Zx. “ Gatn’'s” post-mortem abuse of George H. Butler is explained. It seems that on one occasion, when George was asked to name the three greatest liars in America, he replied: ‘‘ Eli Perkins is one and George Alfred Townsend is the other two.”—AWanta Constitution, UnrounpEepD Rumor.—A small boy was detected by a stingy farmer in one of his cherry trees. The farmer made the boy come down and talked very seriously to him about the sinfulness of stealing. The boy answered indignantly : ‘‘ Now, you just count them cherries over again and see if there is one of ’em missing before you insinuate that I took it."— Texas Siftings. Mr. RosENSCHWEIZER (entering a country store): Ah, how do you do, Mr. Jayhawk? Ilow vas drade? Dake acigar. Peau- tiful vether; ain’t it. Vant any goots in our line, Mr. Jayhawk ? Mr. J.—No, reckon not. Store is all stocked up. Mr. R.—Is dot so? I’m very sorry. May I drouble you to give me dot cigar? I got to gif it to Mr. Gawk across der vay.—Chicago Rambler, . 13 Surtor: “Sir, you are undoubtedly aware of the object of my visit?” Father: ‘¢I believe you desire to make my daughter happy. Do you really mean it?” Suitor: “ Unquestionably.” Father; ‘ Well, do n’t marry her, then.” —Zx. “ You say the coat is four dollars?” ‘¢ Four tollar, mine frien.” “© And you warrant it all wool ?” “ All vool except de puttons and putton-holes ” “‘ How the dickens can you afford to sell an all wool coat for four dollars?” “ Mine frien, I do n’t vonder you vas surbrised. “Vy de vool in dot goat vas vorth more as four tollar, so helup me Moses.” “Then you must lose money on it?” Py shiminy gracious ! you makes me tired! But, mine dere frien, I told you von lettle segret, und do n’t you gif it away. De fleeces on de packs of dose eens vot grew dot vool was mis/its, and haf to be sold at great reductions !"”—Boston Record, SHE had a lovely foot, and her visitors were admiring it. They were ladies, of course. A man who is not a shoemaker dares not mention such a thing unless they are alone in a dim corner of the drawing-room where nobody can overhear. ““What a beautiful foot you have, dear?” ‘Yes, Pa says when we go to Europe he'll have a bust of it made.”—San Francisco Chronicle, ‘* THE remains of your brother-in-law are to be shipped east, are they not?” ‘ Yes, we expect them to arrive Monday, and the obsequies will take place on Wednesday.” ‘ Have you thought of an epitaph on his tombstone?” ‘‘ Yes, we shall in- scribe simply : ‘He wore a plug hat in Nevada.’”—AMerchant ADDITIONAL CHOICE NOVELS PHOSACID. Good for Nervousness. Water, or Mixed with Liquors. by Druggists Generally. [ARTIN KALBFLEISCH’S SONS, N. Y. IKRAKAVER, LADIES’ TAILOR, Excellent in Soda For Sale FOR SUMMER READING, SELECTED FROM THE LEISURE MOMENT SERIES, 16mo. Paper Covers. The Red Route. By Wm. Sime. 35 cents. Healey. By Jessie Fothergill. 30 cents. At Bay. By Mrs. Alerander, 30 cents. An Ill-Regulated Mind. By K. Wylde. 25 cents. A Pair of Blue Eyes. By Thomas Hardy. cents. HABIT MAKER and HATTER, oF Ig EAST 2IST STREET, NEW YORK, LONDON, AND, BELLEVUE AVENUE, Newport, is pleased to announce that he has reopened his New- port branch for the season, where, by his personal su- pervision, it will be his # highest aim to. secure a continuance of lib- eral _ patronage, Madame de Presnel. By E. F. Poynter. 3p cents. A Millionaire's Cousin. By Emily Lawless. 25 cents. Kinley Hollow. By G. H. Hollister. 30 cents. My Friends and I. By Julian Sturgis. 2s cents. Cousins. By L. B. Walford. 35 cents. Troublesome Daughters. By L. B. Walford. 3s cents. Mr. Smith. By L. B, Walford. 25 cents. Look Before You Leap. By Mrs. Alexander. 25 cents. The Mistress of Ibichstein. By Fr. Henkel. 30 cents. The Executor. By Mrs. Alexander. 35 cents. Clarissa Harlowe. By Samuel Richardson. 3s cents. My Little Lady. By E. F. Poynter. 25 cents. Christine, By Louis Enault. 20 cents. Ralph Wilton’s Weird. By Mrs. Alexander. 20 cents. A Chelsea Householder. By Emily Lawless. 25 cents. A Story of Carnival. By Mary A. M. Hoppus. 25 cents, The Admiral’s Ward. By Mrs. Alexander. 35 cents. Gideon Fleyce. By Henry W. Lucy. 25 cents. IGP" AU the above may be had in cloth in the Leisure Hour Series for $1 each. For the rest of the series see advertisement in last week's LIFE, or send to the publishers for a complete list, which will be sent free. Henry Holt & Co., 29 W. Twenty-third Street, N. Y. CELEBRATED: HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., New York. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia. earned by produc- ing the most per- fect fit and ele- anes in design in is Specialty. Inspection is in- vited to a_line of choicest Fabrics, suitable for the seaside, mountain, Traveling and for Riding Habits. PRIESTLEY’S NEW SILK WARP FABRICS Among the new materials especially commended is the Clairette, also shown with a border for veils, This soft, dai carly spring. Gypsy ty fabric seems impervious to hards! sufficiently black to be assumed even in deep mourni i Cloth is an etamine fin ip, and while light in weight, is . Convent cloth will be much worn in the 1c artistic in draping, while firm in texture. This Pansy is a soft twill, fine and beautiful, and will undoubtedly prove a favorite.—_Delineavor. Wheat Baking Powder. SUPERIOR TO ALL IN WHOLESOMENESS. aes MARTIN KALBFLEISCH’S SONS, aie NEW YORK, BROOKLYN, BUFFALO, CHICAGO. comicbooks.com