Life — June 10, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A LUCKY YOUTH. HARLIE (showing his friend a piece of bric-d-brac) : There is a rare little gem that I got while abroad. Friend : Where did you get it? Charlie (carelessly) : Oh, I picked it up in Florence. Friend: You're lucky. I've got the same thing, but I did n't pick it up anywhere. I had to buy it, and it.cost me | forty-five cents. | BEYOND THE REACH OF DRUGS. 3 OCTOR,” said an old lady, “my husband is that nervous that I don’t know what to make of it.” “In what way does he manifest this nervousness ?” “Well, every time the front door bell rings he busts a button off his vest. I think he ought to have a dose of medicine.” “Medicine won't do him any good, madam. Nature and his creditors will have to take their course.” THE HEIGHT OF FASHION—A dude's collar. * LIFE: “'F | PICK YOU UP I FALL, AN'’F I FALL YOU WON'T PICK ME UP —GUESH I LET YER Go.” Whe a girl elopes with a coachman she is resolved to take him for wheel or whoa. OUR CORRESPONDENT AT BERLIN. OUR correspondent was met with much pomp and a band of music at the Custom House on the German fron- tier, where his trunk was examined for traces of American pork. Fortunately for his relations with the Emperor, the correspondent had just eaten his last ham sandwich, and he was admitted into the select precincts of Prussia duty free. Count Bismarck, the King of Bavaria and Duke Saxe-Weimar met him at the depot, and did the grand thing at a neighboring wharf, where schooners were had in plenty. The second round of Bock was being put down with much zest and a pretzel when the door was thrown suddenly open, and old Kaiser Wilbelm appeared in the doorway. “ Veegates, how you vas ?” said he, hanging his crown on the gas jet and putting his sceptre in the umbrella stand. “ Einskoot, Kaiz,” rejoined the correspondent. “Zwei beer," ejaculated the Emperor, showing his readiness at jee. “ Vot you takes ?” inquired Bismarck of his royal master. “* Bretzels und peer, straidt,” returned the Kaiser. “ Santvitches far me,” said Mr. Weimar. ‘‘ Ham,” said the correspondent, thoughtlessly. The effect was electrical. Bismarck seized a statuette of Gambrinus that stood in the doorway, the Kaiser's whiskers came out of curl at once, and the King of Bavaria called the police. “+ Dutch ham 1” called the correspondent, pulling himself together, ‘< Ach! Dot's limber,” said the Kaiser, proceeding to re-curl his hair, while Bismarck readjusted his wig, placed Gambrinus once more cover the doorway, and peace reigned. “ T thought this was to’be a high-toned reception ?” said the cor- respondent. 5 “Vell, vas iss der masser viz is ?” growled Bismarck. “What's the matter with it, you Son of Sauer Kraut? Why, where are your Dukes and Palaces, and your other Pomps and Vanities ? I can meet Dutchmen in beer halls at home without coming all this dis- tance. Bring on your glittering Empire; that 's what my invite calls for.” “ Kootness kracious! who said anydinks abowid klittering Em- bires ?” said Bismarck. “1,” said the correspondent, haughtily. ‘ There it is on your Im- perial note in black and white: ‘ This ticket entitles the bearer to one Imperial table d’héte, one breakfast with forks'—whatever that may be —‘and an Imperial apartment with four candles.’ If I do n't get those candles I 'll sue the Empire.” “Vell I nefer,” ejaculated the Emperor, taking the correspondent’s card, ‘he 's got one of dose Gook's Goupons for the Grand Reception to-night. Shumping pessvax, Pismarck, dose peebles haf make us pankrupps so soon alretty.” “Yah, und donner und blitzen,” roared Bismarck, growing red in the face. “‘Nefer mint, Put anodder tax on der Poles, Pismarck, und if dis Schmitz vants full poard at the casdle raise the dariff on Pologna. All apoart for Perlin.” So saying the Kaiser jumped on a third-class carriage and the party started for Berlin, From this time on the pomp and grandeur of the reception equaled anything the Chum had ever seen. The Imperial Poor Houses, where a majority of the German Princes are living, were finely decorated and the allegorical statue of Bismarck, as Gambrinus, was festooned with hops and pretzels. Everything went merry as a marriage bell until the reception was brought to an abrupt close by the Emperor sliding under the throne in an endeavor to unload the cargoes of sixty-two schooners, Bismarck immediately telegraphed to all the New York daily papers that the Kaiser had been thrown from his horse and was not expected to live. As this was the first time the Emperor has been placed hors de combat in a naval battle since the days of Charlemagne, when he was but a fair-haired boy, it was deemed best to expel the Chum. His pre- tensions to the throne had become too great for him to remain longer in the empire, so handing his Cook ticket to the attendant at the door, the Chum then placed his half burnt candles in his valise and started at once for Venice on the invitation of Umberto I. Carlyle Smith. comicbooks.com