Life — June 3, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE- 319. THE AMERICAN PEERAGE. {COMPILED BY PERK, ULTERIOR KNIGHT VOR MANHATTAN.) Wainer. AINER, CHARLES A., Marquess of Humble 'Em. Sits as Barren Office-Dictator. Lineage: Lord Dainer is an illustrious ascendant of the old house of Disdainers. Beginning life as a practical man intent upon acquiring wealth by agriculture and encyclopedic publications, he has gradually emancipated himself from the sordid pursuit of riches, and now lives only for ideal objects and the spreading of enlightenment. Distinguished for his freedom from cynicism, and for his generous and hearty faith in himself, he is averse to everything that savors of sycophancy or favoritism. His devotion to the Democratic party is attested by his unwavering support of candidates nominated by its opponents. As an amateur of journalism, Lord Dainer has mastered the difficult art of writing editorial articles with a billiard-cue, and frequently scores a point in favor of his adversary. His collection of delicate political reputations, and other fragile bric-4-brac, is large and valu- able. Arms: Quarterly, First and fourth sable, a savage man of the woods proper, bearing in his dexter hand a club; ad and 3d azure, a sun in splendor, or. Quartering quarterly, st and 4th vert, a bat- tering-ram, brazen; ad and 3d argent, a blacking-brush and shoe, sable. Crest: A billiard-ball between two cues in saltire, bound with a ribbon bearing the words : * Take your cue.” Motto: “1 Shine For All.” Seats ; Pedagogue Hall, Printing-House Square; and Grammar- fan's Retreat, Glen Cove. Clubs : Stuffed, Poker, and C. A.D. Jefferson Club, The mem- bership of the last-named club is limited to one. AN ESSAY ON ANARCHISTS. HE anarchists are good citizens in many respects. They aid largely in the support of several industries— notably the liquor business. They are practical prohibition- ists and destroy liquor—a glassful at a time. They do n't like the police and seldom give them a chance to enjoy their society at short range. They are not very dangerous to any one who has land enough around his house to pasture a dog. Being mostly of foreign origin, they are not, naturally, at- tached to the soil of their adopted country—although it is, as arule, attached to them. They never demean themselves by agricultural labor. The maligners of the anarchists say they are not working- men. They are. They work the growler. URING the recent floods in Montreal the English newspaper offices were flooded. This ought to have a beneficial influence on English humor. It has heretofore been a trifle dry. DISTANCED. ELEASE me from the sulky slight, And hitch me to a dray ; Or let me drag, by day and night, A black-and-tan coupé, Bring forth your wooden dammy oat, Your wire-mattress hay— As such are fitting fabled” oat For one who lost the day. Farewell ye flyers of the track— : I'm much too slow for you ; Indeed, I'd rather haul a hack Than raise the record—whew ! Wallace Peck, THE EARLY BUD INSURANCE COMPANY. HE Early Bud Insurance Co. is now prepared to insure those crops that are subject to the blighting frosts of early spring. The loss of the peach crop is the annual bugaboo of farmers ; and, during early spring, they would rather raise the hired man's wages than meet a whiff of cold night air en route to their blooming trees. His live trees, that are to bring him hard cash in the fall—his-active trees that become round-shouldered with their load of blossoms—he