Life — April 22, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

APRILLIC—IDYLLIC, (VILLANETTE A LA MODE.) HE rain is soaking through my rubber suit, I wonder if this town was ever dry (Sing me a roundelay and thrum the lute). I'm glad I did not wear a lighter boot, The * green” looks like a lake of verdant dye (The rain is soaking through my rubber suit). There ! I feel it creeping ‘round each foot ; I'll catch a cold and maybe I sball die (Sing me a roundelay and thrum the lute). And there ’s Miss Jones ! My love is destitute ! She 'll never have me, looking such a guy (The rain is soaking through my rubber suit, Sing me a roundelay and thrum the lute). Edgar Brenner. . . * HE truly good man is he who never forges another man’s name to a commercial paper nor his own to a literary production. . . . Patek slippers are the latest novelty in that line. They will never take the place of the old style for boy-fanning purposes, however. RELIGIOUS INTELLIGENCE. I SAY, OLD CHAP, WHEN 18 MARDI Gras? DUNNO, I'M SURE, DEAR BOY, UNLESS IT’S THE WEDNESDAY BEFORE EASTER, INTERESTING TO POKER PLAYERS. T has just leaked out that Mary Anderson refused to see the Prince of Wales, although she had a full house at the time. They say that the Prince had a straight flush just afterwards. . * . OR New York Aldermen: A non est man 's the noblest work of God. . . . SIX-YEAR old Pittsfield, Mass., child, being asked, “ What is a rope?” replied : “ A fat string.” . . - USEFUL HINTS, HEN a sitting hen is too indisposed to stay on the nest continuously, let her rest alternate days and tie the rooster on the nest while she ’s resting. THE soot can be thoroughly swept out of a chimney by dropping a goose in it at the top. The goose, in vainly striving to fly upward, thoroughly cleans the chimney with its wings. In swinging your Indian clubs there is no need of cracking your head with them. It is a mistake to suppose that the muscles of the brain can be developed by such a process. By immersing the entire body in soft tar before taking a bee-tree, one can render himself invulnerable to the assaults of the bees. You can smoke a rabbit out of a hollow by smoking a cigarette close enough to let the stench enter the hole. A Goop way to delight the children is to turn in a false fire alarm and show them the engine when it comes up. ONE way to get at the merits of a masterpiece, in the way of a painting, is to hang around an art critic and jot down his remarks. And he will pay you for the privilege. THE scent of whisky on the breath can be subdued by smearing asafcetida on the moustache. WHEN your bedfellow snores and refuses to hush, trump up a counterfeit nightmare and straddle his neck. If this does n’t stop him, kick him out of the bed in such a way that his head will strike the floor first. The resulting cerebral agitation will keep him awake for the rest of the night and give you a chance to doze a little. IF you make a habit of keeping live mice in your pockets, your loose change will be comparatively safe from your enter- prising wife. IF you take a small step-ladder with you into the theatre it will be very serviceable when the stage is barricaded from view by a big hat. x FRECKLES can be removed from the face with sand-paper. comicbooks.com