Life — December 24, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘i SeISSOR AT NvLLv§ THE CHINAMAN, Vict shootee me and hangee me, You bootee me and bangee me, Me doce workee, gettee boodle ; Livee onee rat ee poodle ; Oh me livee oh so cheapee And me workee while you sleepee. Bites ltsburg Dispatch. “ OrpHAn’s Court" is a heading in a paper. Well, what of that? Orphans have as much right to court as other people.— Texas Siftings. In England, many a bright young fellow reads for the bar and hee chambers at one of t ein ‘ons of Court, with hopes of going ‘arliament, Here it is not necessary to know how to read ; it you only keep the bar you are in a direct line for political pre- ferment.— 7o-Day. NOT THAT KIND OF A BUSTLE, PROFESSOR AT VASSAR COLLEGE: Now, young ladies, I pro- pose to lecture on human anatomy, but I cannot while there is so much bustle among you. All: Professor, we can take our bustles off. Professor (confused): I—I didn’t mean that way. You mis- understood me. All: Ab, thanks, You think they are out of shape, but they are in style.— Woman's World. 371 TOLD HIM So. THE occupants of a sleeping car on a road running into Chicago were cleaned out by a thief a few nights ago. Among the victims wasa Detroiter. In-the morning, when the losses became known, the conductor went through the car to take down names and amounts, “What was your loss ?" asked the Detroiter of his seat-mate. “Tt was $17, but I shall say $150, What was yours w “Only $13, and I shall give in the true figures. ‘ou ‘re a fool to do it?” ** Well, I only want what I lost.” When the conductor came along, he inquired : “Well, gents, give me names and amounts, please.” “* My name is Smith, of Milwaukee, and I lost just $150.50," replied the one. “All right—all right ; company will promptly make good the loss.” “ And you?” “My cae is Bian, of Detroit,” replied the Detroiter, ‘and my loss was only $13.” “ Thirteen doll: (hes eh? All right. The company will make a rigid investigation of your case! Something very suspicious about it, very! Yon may be the chap who did the robbing.”— Detroit Free Press. PATIENT comes in, Homoeopathic doctor, after a short con- versation, takes a little powder rom a jarand says to the patient: “ Smell that—now you're cured. Patient says: ‘* Doctor, how much do I owe you ?” Doctor says: ' Twenty dollars.” Patient takes out a twenty-dollar bill and says: ‘‘ Smell that— now you 're paid,"—Ex. “A Noble Gift Book” says the Boston Advertiser of GREECE,AND ROME with 400 Illustrations, Quarto, $10. Common SENSE BINDER FOR BINDING *LIFE: Cheap, Strong and Durabl Will hold 26 numbers. Mailed to any part of the United States for $1. Address’ office of * LIFE. mew} JSRAKAVER $: * anes Broapway, N.Y. “Compels One to Return for Re- perusal” saysthe Hartford Courant of WISHMAKERS' TOWN, a Medizxval Poem by Wm, Young, 16mo., vellum, $1.25. “A Treasure of Popular Literature” says the V, ¥. Times of ROUMANIAN FAIRY TALES. Sq. 12mo., $1.25. bas TAILOR, HABIT MAKER AND HATTER, 19 EAST ast ST., Loxpox AND Newport, bas ESPECIALLY “ Suggests the Skill of George Eliot” say the Critic of “ OBLIVION " by M. G. McClelland. 26mo, Leisure Hour Series. $r. HENRY HOLT & CO., Publishers, CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., LOW PRICES From date to February 1sth pert. N.B—All garments made at redsced prices to be embraced ‘within the above period. ADVERTISERS can learn the cost of any proposed line of Advertising at Geo P, Row- ell & Co's Newspa Spruce Street, New York. ‘Send 10 cents for sompage pamphlet. New York. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Ches Chestnut Street, Philadelphia, PRIESTLEY’S SILK WARP HENRIETTAS Are easily distinguished by their softness and beauty and regularity of finish, They are made of the finest silk and dest Australian Wool, and are the most thoroughly reliable goods in the market. Lundborg’s Perfume, Edenia. Lundborg’s Perfume, Maréchal Niel Rose. Lundborg’s Perfume, Alpine Violet. Lundborg’s Perfume, Lily of the Valles. Lundborg’s Rhenish Cologne. NEW YORK. ALFRED T. CARROLL Tailor and Importer 166 SIXTH AVE., Iwo BLOCKS BELOW FOURTEENTH STREET, NEW YORK. Correct Styles, Exclusively the Finest. paper Advertising Bureau, 10 comicbooks.com