Life — November 5, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LI AT SeISORS AT ibs A REMARKABLE PIG, A NEWLY married lady who recently graduated from Vas- sar College, is not very well posted about household mat- ters. She said to her grocer not long since : ““T bought three or four hams here a couple of months ago, and they were very fine. Have you got any more like them?” Grocer : ‘* Yes, ma’am, there are ten of those hams hanging up there," “Are you sure, they are all of the same pig ?” “Yes, ma’am.” “Then I ‘ll take three of them."— Zexas Siftings. oop gracious,” said the hen when she discovered the porcelain egg in her nest, ** I shall be a bricklayer next."—Bos‘on Bulletin, BEGGAR : Actor: Beggar: ‘Gimme a quarter.” Have n't got any money.” ** Gimme some of your cast-off clothes.” I wear ’em myself,” Haven’ t you got a cigar for me?” No ciga No chewing tobacco neither ?" No chewing tobacco.” r: “Then, heavens, gimme your autograph."—Tezas | Siftings. FE 265 GENTLEMAN (who has just returned from abroad): ‘'I was at church yesterday, deacon, and was astonished at the size of the congregation, It must have doubled since I have been away.” acon : ** Yes: we think of building a larger church.” Gentleman ; * The minister's popularity seems to be rapidly increasing ?” Deacon: ** Yes; since he was caught kissing one of the singers in the choir the church has taken on a new life.” HE TOOK THE OLD MAN DOWN, STERN FATHER: ‘Look here, young man, your teacher tells me you excused yourself from school by telling her that your mother was sick. What do you mean by lying to your teacher, sir?” “T didn't lie.” “Yes, you did. Your mother is n't sick, and you know it.” “*She said she was,” “ When?" “Last night. She said she was sick of having you come home at two o'clock in the morning with your cuffs on your ankles.” “ Well, of course, if she was sick it was perfectly right for you to stay out of school, my son. There, here's a nickel. Run off and get some candy, and we won't say any more about it."— Chicago Herald. THE PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE, Doctor: ‘Yes, the symptoms are would expect in the disease Patient (frightened) : what is it?" recisely those which one had already diagnosed.” “In the name of goodness! doctor, Doctor (dreamily) : “* What is it?) Why, a guinea, and I will see you three times, as the case interests me.”"—Afoonshine, Messrs. Henry Holt & Co. PUBLISH TO-DAY, man, laageser An American novel, by a promising new writer. | SSouzelh especially | Booksellers sent post Keoollach, 140 Nassau GERMAN SIMPLIFIED. An eminently practical new method for ‘ents each, sokd tely. pad. on receipt of price, by Prof. KRAKAUER New York. OBLIVION, AN EPISODE. By M. G. McCurttann. Leisure Hour Series, $1. Recently Published, SUMNER'S “ PROTECTIONISM.” Protectioniser, the Ism which Declares that Waste Makes Wealth. By Wituiam Geanas Sumner, Professor in Yale College. 16mo, $r. BACOURT’S LETTERS. Souvenirs of a Diplomat. Private Letters from ‘America during the administrations of Presidents Van Buren, Harrison and Tyler. By the Chev- alier De Bacounr, Minister from France. 12mo. $t 50. “A charming rolume—well worth some, amutings aod semeti Compicnd Gis enteraining “he grambiing” gous quite pletsant readlog. at this distance from Bis Pov Coumant. Orit is seldom the reviewer's pleasure to deal 16mo. NEW tha {hat tempts him so bard to quote from. Surely the Preach have been chosen by nature Yor writing memoirs! Not that Moasieur de Bacour’s book isa volume of memoirs. | But they have ie same eesive grace, the same inborn ease spay conkaeons, es sere ehoerraions tor Ed caustic hemor, and ‘all those airy ALFRED T. CARROLL Ta i | or Iced fom lending Lendon and’ and Importer 166 SIXTH AVE., TWO BLOCKS BELOW FOURTEENTH STREET, Correct Styles, aacaely the Finest. \LADIES’ TAILOR, 19 EAST 21st ST., NEW vorK. LonDON AND NEWPORT. 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