Life — October 1, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOTICE EXTRAORDINARY. A MIKADOLET. OF the folks for whom we have no use at any time of day We've made a little list, we ‘ve made a little list, Of those who make us tired no matter what they say, And who never could be missed, they never could be missed ; There 's the fellow with a poem that is really quite the thing To make our circulation take a most gigantic spring, And another with a picture that looks as if a fly To save his buzzing being could n't prove an alibi, When indicted in the first degree for helping the artist, They ‘d not a one be missed, they ‘d nota one be missed. And he who asks us if we 've seen the joke ourselves had spun And who always will insist he 's a leading humorist. The man who strikes the office when the clock is striking one, Who ne'er a lunch has missed, alas! he's on the list. The dude who has a lady friend who's written us a verse, He'd like to have us put it in for better or for worse, Just as a favor to himself—we ‘ve known him scarce a week And hate a man who seems to have a corner upon cheek Because we rather pride ourselves we've got some on our list,— This fellow'd ne'er be missed, this fellow'd ne'er be missed. The man who thinks that just because we have his verdant V He's our subscription list and really will desist, If our politics don’t suit him to the very last degree, He never would be missed from the subscription list. The man who thinks the Editor has naught to do but sit And hear him gabble what he thinks is 18 carat wit, And also he who wonders why we do n't do this or that, And asks us if we do not think this number's rather flat, Oh yes, dear friends, we've got them all right here upon the list, They ‘d not a one be missed, they ‘d not a one be missed. MORAL. To all who've read this pojum and are bruised by its fist, We pray you all be missed, we pray you all be missed. R. FASSETT has been re-nominated to represent the XXVIIth District in the State Senate. Mr. Fassett ought to be on the Aqueduct Commission. HE Republican State Convention made a promising beginning yesterday, said the 7rsbune of the 23d inst. Well, what of it? They all do it, and when their candi- dates get elected they make a promising ending until election comes around again. . * > E should have thought that in going into stays the Priscilla would have done better than the Puritan. She 's certainly more used to that sort of thing. . . . RS. SPRIGGINS, on reading of the delay in the Bren- ton’s Reef race on account of the “dead calm,” remarked that she “ mighter believed it if there was a dead whale in the way; but a dead clam, never!" . . * HE Rev. Canon Farrar is here. Cannot Mr. Cyrus W. Field get up some appropriate entertainment for the Canon, a shooting match for instance, . . * I ONDON 7ruth says that very few people at the ~ Huguenot anniversary at Cape Town knew what Huguenot really meant, and that one gentleman proposed that ‘the memorial should be a statue of Huguenot, with extracts from his works inscribed around the base.” How very odd! We thought everybody knew that Hugue- not killed St. Bartholomew. . . . OOD-BYE Sir Richard, good-bye. You 've been a very courteous foe and all that, but please go home before you make yourself sick with an overdose of consolation. . . . SHAKESPEARE REVISED. I MPERIOUS Jumbo dead and stuffed for show, Might still suffice to make a circus go. . . . I O, William, your joke about the Republicans holding a trump card in the jolly Joe-carr, isztoo subtle for us. Besides, William, it may be one of those chestnuts that Harper's Bazaar always gets several months before we do. OW that the Sultan has taken the side of the over- turned Prince of Roumelia, the matter assumes seri- ous proportions, They are now three to two!‘