Life — September 24, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SIGNS OF AUTUMN. HE locust folds away his tent And lays aside his cornet ; The skeeter travels to the South On business with the hornet. The Katy-Didnts done her Didd, The tree-toad 's ceased his bleating, And at the bar the candidate Begins his autumn treating. * * * T seems that pneumatic tubes were patented in 1695 by a Dr. Papin. This proves that there is nothing pneu under the sun. . * . [* was a very contemptuous lawyer of this city who alluded to our Judiciary as a second rate Bench Show. HE United States man-of-war Swatara left New Orleans the other day with $10,400,000 worth of silver on board. No quarter will be given to pirates. . . a HE Democratic State campaign song is said to close with the line from the “ Mikado:” “ Oh, bother the Flower that blooms in the spring.” TYPOGRAPHICAL error no doubt makes a contem- porary speak of “ Alfonso’s Massage to Bismarck.” At all events we trust Alfonso has rubbed the Prince the | right way. | M . . . | A’ article in this month's Harper's Magazine bears the | taking title of “ A Glass of Beer.” Whether this is a bid for a Cincinnati circulation, or in- troduced at this period of nautical excitement to show the superiority of the schooner, is not apparent. * . . GEORGIA man was recently driven mad by Bap- tism. It is a noticeable fact that water has always a peculiar effect on Southerners, which may account for their distrust of the beverage. * * * HE Prince of Wales is entitled to wear seventy different uniforms, not to’mention numberless special costumes associated with his various titles and offices. This simply goes to prove that the Prince while “ awf'ly English,” is still true Dutch. Old Father Knickerbocker wore his seventeen pairs of trousers and then considered himself only half dressed. > * * EN BUTLER has an article in this month’s North American Review entitled “ Vice-Presidential Poli- tics in 1864.” Did anybody say chestnuts ? FABLES FOR THE TIMES. THE ACCOMPLISHED YOUNG PARROT. WELL-EDUCATED young Parrot had learned to imitate the natural sound of almost every living creature it had ever heard, and would often amuse itself by practicing this trick and deceiving any birds or animals that might be near; but one day it imitated the cry of a young Chicken so perfectly that a large Hawk, which happened to be sailing overhead, swooped down and bore the Parrot away in its talons. MoRAL: This Fable teaches that it is possible to crowd too many languages into a higher education. THE RABBIT AND HIS SLANDERERS. RABBIT having heard that a certain Mouse had slan- dered him, at once attacked the little creature and literally “wiped up the ground” with him, inflicting such severe punishment that there was not enough hair left on the Mouse to wad a toy pistol. On the next day the Rabbit was informed that the Fox had charged him with stealing cab- bage, when he gravely remarked to the informer: “As for the Fox, he is a professional liar, and I would not soil the robes of my gentility by flogging him. I shall treat him with silent contempt.” MoRAL: This Fable teaches that the “code of honor” | is not designed for indiscriminate application. A SURPRISED OLD MAN. E don’t mean ter say that the rebellion is all crushed out, do ye?” said a surprised old fellow from Way- “ back. “ Certainly.” “No fightin’ nor nuthin’ going on now ?” “No.” “Well, I swan! I've been readin’ the 7rydune for a good many years, but I never saw nuthin’ in it bout the war bein’ over. __ comicbooks.com