Life — July 30, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT SeISSORS AMT Wilf UNFITTED FOR THE BUSINESS. as ya boy of yours is not adapted for the undertaking business,” explained an undertaker to the boy's father, who inquired why he had been discharged. “* What's the trouble with him ?”” “ He hasn't a realizing sense of what is due the afflicted. Day before yesterday Mrs. B. buried her fourth husband. I sent the boy up to learn at what hour she wished the ceremony to take place, and he asked her what her regular time of day was for burying husbands. I expect to lose her trade entirely.""—Sun. “Where did Adam first live?” asked a New York Sunday school teacher of her young scholars. No response.‘ Why, children, you must know; it was in some garden. Now, what garden was it?” ‘Oh, I know, mum !" said a little fellow with a foreign accent, holding up his hand. ‘* Well, my boy, what garden was it?” “ Castle Garden, mum,"—Ex. A TENDER HEART. Younc Lapy: And so you've really been off on a whaling voyage, Mr, Hardyman? Mr. HarDYMAN: Yes. Younc Lapy: How delightful! I am passionately fond of fishing, too, but I feel sorry sometimes for the poor little helpless wriggling things, it seems so cruel.— Works ie A, Dena. HENRY HOLT & Co. HAVE JUST PUBLISHED A new book by the author of “My Little Lady.” Madame de Presnel. 16mo. By E, Frances Poynter. Hour Series, $1.00. Leisure Moment Series, 3o cents. Leisure Cashmere Bouquet 69 COULD PROBABLY DO !T, ‘*ALL I want to make me a millionaire,” he sighed as he changed benches in the City Hall park, ‘is the beggarly sum of $500."" ‘* How?” asked the tramp in the calico shirt beside him, “T leave New York for Boston. I arrive in Boston and rent a luxurious office on the ground floor. I advertise ‘The Alaska Antediluvian Elephants’ Tusk Company’—capital half a million dollars—a few shares for sale—dividends paid monthly.” “What's your company for?” “For to go around and pick up the tusks of elephants as they thaw out of the glaciers,” Well 2” Vell, that’s all, except that I remain one month rey out $350 in dividends—sell | $t00, 000 worth of stock, and gently slide out between two days.” **What becomes of the elephants’ tusks ?” “ They are used for gravestones for the stockholders who get left."— Wall Street News. QUICK TO DECIDE, ‘Your duties will be responsible,” explained a Kentuckian to a gentleman who applied for a situation, ‘ and will require great quickness of thought, ‘There will be no time for deliberation, Do you think you are capable of this?” “*T think so, sir.” “Very well, I will think the matter over. and take—"” “Don't care if Ido.” The promptness of this decision so pleased the employer that he hired the man at once.— Sun, Will you go out KRAKAUER, Ladies’ Tailor and Habit Maker. ¥9 EAST a8t ST., And Betlevse Ave, Newport. Would inform Ladies that he will during the months of Row Joly ead August, a ihe de- for peestyy yet pee. Seat ets. la Serges and ight texture Weoleas” Re ing Habis are cat en iisproved oe nd Dry Special, Brut. Hotfecd G. Carrol, TAILOR & IMPORTER. In view of the increasing demand for garments of elegance and HIGH CLASS STANDARD of style, at reasonable prices, we are Toilet Soap. Has the largest sale of any superfine toilet soap. Perfume novel and excep- tionally strong. Send four cents in stamps to Colgate & Co., N. Y., for sample cake. ‘Send one,two, Uhre or" five iaress, " €. G. GUNTHER, Caanciccet 78 Mapisow Sr., Cuicaco. Henriette Frame, ROBES AND MANTEAUX, takes occasion to announce that she ts in receipt of very choice novelties for Spring and Summer Costumes. Out of town orders receive special atten= tion, Perfect Gt guaranteed on receipt of measurement. 232 West 228 Street, Dlew Bork, prepared to meet the emergency with Sn unusually select ‘line for spring wear, acceptable to the most refined taste. Riding Costumes and Liveries in English Styles. 166 Stocth Jove, NEW YORK, Lundborg”’ 8s Perfume, Edenia. Lundborg’s Perfume, Maréchal Niel Rose. Lundborg’s Perfume, Alpine Violet. Lundborg’s Perfume, Lily of the Valley. Lundborg’s Rhenish Cologne.