Life — July 16, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: CHINA ASTER. A DREAMER. BY F, MARRYON CROWFOOT. CHAPTER I. R. CHINA ASTER MULVANEY, Chief of the Salt Lake City police, was one very hot afternoon leisure- ly patrolling his beat, when, on arriving in front of the palace of Mr. Darius Brigham, Mayor of the city, a window was thrown open and the very red head of Mrs. Mc- Tossa Brigham ap- peared and said: “Ts that Chinny? An’ howare yez this hot weather?” “Me remains is in a fair shtate av pris- ivation,” answered Mulvaney, _fainily, and then added : “ An’ have yez such a thing as a wathermellon about yez? “ Indade an’ Oi have not, for its about froze we are!" “Froze! Och, wirra! An’ have yez tuk to drink?” “Whist, no! But nie husband's cousin is shtoppin’ wid us; she’s a Princess from Boston, an’ a crayther that cowld an’ chilly in her character that it’s moy belief she 's afther wearin’ a cake av oice in her bustle!" “Indade! An’ phwat's Boston?” “Och! it’s a place somewheres in the North Pole where the folks is haythens an’ wurrship beans, an’ instead av rale blood in their veins they has oice wather. But come in an’ cool arf till Oi introduce ye.” And so poor China Aster, little dreaming that he was about to meet his fate, entered and was presented to the Princess, who, as it happened, differed but little from the regular Boston girl—being thin, wearing goggles, and having a temperature of about 32° in the sun. In spite of these drawbacks, however, it was, on the part of both, a case of love at first sight. neither could think of anything to say, and an awkward pause ensued, which fortunately was at last broken by the entrance of Darius, who cordially welcomed his favorite Mulvaney and then proceeded to drop a bombshell into the circle by turning to the Princess and saying : “T think, my dear, that I shall marry you to-morrow, as you will prove very useful to me by sitting on the refrigera- tor and saving an ice bill.” The Princess was so overwhelmed by this unlooked-for honor that she fairly squawked with delight, forgetting all y about Mulvaney; but he poor man was completely heart- « broken, and so tearing off his badge, he turned wearily away, yoursilf, | Both were paralyzed ; | 35 | wandered off into the desolate suburbs, hid himself in an un- used hen-house and became a weather prophet. CHAPTER II. RS. MCTOSSA’S disgust at the turn affairs had taken was too deep for words, so after the wedding she and the Princess had a warm set-to with hard gloves, but as neither could knock the other out, Mrs. McTossa realized that-she would have to rely on diplomacy to rid herself of her hated rival. So she began operations by prevailing on Darius to offer a reward in the Hera/d for the return of the lost chief of police, the result of which was that China Aster appeared at once to claim the five dollars reward. Meanwhile the Princess had grown rather tired of her solo on the refrigerator, and when her quondam lover reappeared upon the scene she felt her old affection for him returning, WITH A WILD WHOOROOR THEY STARTED OFF, and so endeavored to make herself as charming as possible, the wily Mrs. McTossa aiding and abetting by judiciously working the growler until all hands had become so hilarious that, at her suggestion, all three adjourned to the skating rink. Neither of the trio had ever been upon rollers, and Mrs. McTossa was too deep and wary to try, but our hero and heroine strapped on their skates, and with a wild “ Whoo- roor !"" started off, but alas, ah, me! there was a cruel crash, a sickening thud, and there they lay, the Princess with her skull crushed in and China Aster with a broken back. The Princess stirred not; she was dead, and Mulvaney, slowly closing his eyes, sighed, and with his last breath faintly said : “The cold wave now in the lake region will reach here to- day. In this city and suburban districts fair to cloudy weather will probably prevail, with north, west or southeasterly winds. Low pressure, with falling or possibly rising barometer.” And then all was over. RK, comicbooks.com