Life — July 9, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT SEMSORS AT NLL A NORTHERN paper praises the Indian Hair Restorer. He isa fraud. No Indian was ever known to restore any hair.— Texas Siftings. “ Tue Indians are making considerable trouble out West,” remarked a passenger on a Bridge car to his neighbor. was the brief reply. “Well, sir, I have a first-class scheme for wiping out the red rascals,"” “ With a sponge ?” said the other, with a sneer, ** No, sir; I would convert-——” ‘Pooh! that’s no good. It won’t work.” ‘Hold ona minute, I would convert the entire Western re- servation into a cucumber patch and turn the red men loose.’ “I should think that would increase the number of Indians,” piped out a little man with weak eyes, who sat opposite. “* How so?” exclaimed the astonished schemer, “*Tt would double ‘em up,” said the small man, with a smile. ** All out here!" yelled the brakeman, and the council of war broke up, sine die,—New York Fournal. “* My dear,” remonstrated a wife, peering out from under the bedclothes, ‘I do wish you would use the word ‘sheol.’ It sounds better.” ‘It may sound better at times," replied her husband, who was noisily nursing his heel, ‘t but when a man steps on a tack he wants the old version."—Mew York Sun. 27 HE PREFERRED VERMONT RAILWAYS. “How fur is Albany?” asked a countryman at the Grand Central Station. ** One hundred and forty-four mile: ** How long does it take to git thar ** Three hours and twenty-five minutes by fast line.” ** An’ how much does it cost ?” ** One dollar and forty-four cents.” **Gosh! a dollar and forty-four cents for ridin’ less’n four hours! Why, up in Vermont I kid ride half a day on a railroad for less money than that, an’ not go near so fur, nuther."—New York Sun, ‘* Pa,” said Johnny, at Barnum's circus, the other day, “ if one of’those Arabs should fall down and knock all of his teeth out, would he talk gum Arabic ?"—Ex. CONSEQUENCE OF THE COMMA. From a Volume of Verse—* Vapid Vaporings.”* In his court King Charles was standing on his head a golden “crown And his royal brow was wrinkled in a most portentious frown Fifty courtiers entered walking on their hands were Jewels bright Set in rings of gold and silver what a rare and splendid sight Four and twenty noble ladies proud and fair and ten feet long Were their trains that flowed behind them borne by pages stout and strong In a bow’r of fragrant roses the musicians now compete Blowing trumpets with their noses they inhale the fragrance > sweet See the Queen how sad and tearful as the King cuts off her head One bright tress of hair at parting and she wishes she was dead. HENRY HOLT & Co. HAVE JUST PUBLISHED Bou A Millionaire's Cousin, Cashmere KRAKAUER, Ladies’ Tailor and Habit Maker. 19 EAST ars ST., N.Y, Aad Bellevue “Ave., Newport. ‘Would inform Ladies that he will daria July. and mand for pre sive, Costumes, Coats, Ulsters quet By THE Hox, Emity Law Less. Author of “A Chelsea Householder.” 16mo. Leisure Hour Series, $1.00. Leisure Moment Series, 25 cents. Joffecd 6. Carsal TAILOR & IMPORTER. In view of the increasing demand for garments of elegance and HIGH CLASS STANDARD of style, at reasonable prices, we are prepared to meet the emergency with an unusually select line for spring wear, acceptable to the most refined taste. Riding Costumes and Liveries in English Styles. 166 Siccth Aove., NEW YORK. . put up in band strictly pure. Suitable for presents, Try E°G. GUNTHER, Confectioner, 78 Mapisow Sr., Cuicaco, Toilet Soap. Has the largest sale of any superfine toilet soap. Perfume novel and excep- tionally strong. Send four cents in stamps to Colgate & Co., N. Y., for sample cake. THE GENUINE At Wholesale, 49 Maiden Lane. FRANK B. CONVERSE, 136 West 47th Street, N. Y. (Formerly 61 West 424 Street.) THE REST PICTURE OF GENERAL GRANT. A toely executed szel engraviag of U. S. GRANT. en grav jer, and printed on heavy plate paper. size Sia tockes, Anda root Sy Pisin proots. $2. Mailed to any address on receipt Of price. AGENTS. WANTED EvERtwHtmne: to whom iberal ferme Al be gh terms. etc., apply to CLEAVES, MACDONALD Tempe Pt.. BOSTON, MASS. wea. For CO. 45 ey erence ly Riding Mabits are cut on aan peed See Marre cate ag’ nor “ruck up. ‘Ine spectfon solicited. ROBES AND MANTEAUX, takes occasion to announce that she'1s in receipt of very choice novelties for Spring and Summer es. ‘Out of town orders receive special atten- tion. Perfect 6t guaranteed on receipt of measurement. 232 West 22d Street, Mew Borh. GEO. MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y. THIS PAPER IS PRINTED WITH OUR SPECIAL -LIFE- INK. Lundborg’s Perfume, Edenia. Lundborg’s Perfume, Maréchal Niel Rose. Lundborg’s Perfume, Alpine Violet. Lundborg’s Perfume, Lily of the Valley. Lundborg’s Rhenish Cologne. comicbooks.com