Life — June 11, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GALLO BROTHERS & TURNURE, ART AGE PREEG, 70-70 FULTON STREET, H. Ys JUNE rth, 1885, 5 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. | Back numbers can be had by applying | Single copies, 10 cents. to this office. Vol. I., 50 cents per number ; Vol. I]., 25 cents per number; Vols. III. and IV,, at regular ‘rates. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. HAT could Mr. Scott, the latest recruit in the Regi- | ment of Embezzlers, have been thinking of when he took so small a sum as $160,000? He should have known that with such an insignificant an amount he could have no standing in Canadian society. We shall not be at all sur- | prised to hear that Messrs. Eno, Dickinson and other mem- bers of Quebec uppertendom have given him the cold shoulder. Even in our own low-toned society, James D. Fish and Ferdinand Ward refuse to acknowledge his claims to social recognition. . . . UR English cousins are now wrangling over the question of settling $30,000 per annum on Princess Beatrice | in honor of her approaching marriage. It is, perhaps, unfor- tunate for the Princess that the Russian war credit was passed before her little appropriation was reached, as Parha- ment may decide that a $30,000 Princess and a $55,000,000 war in one year give evidence of too great prosperity, and pass their interest on Bonds of Matrimony for fear of intoxi- cating the public with a surfeit of welfare. . . * OULD Odlum have lived to see the results of his leap from the Brooklyn Bridge, he would doubtless have prided himself upon the founding of a new means of liveli- hood. We have been regaled almost daily with accounts of the efforts of homeless and impecunious tramps to leap into eternity by the East River route, and the subsequent heaping of wealth upon them. When the poverty-stricken Fleischer sneaked to the brink, fearing to hear the cry of his hungry children at home, his lack of assumption and evident misery excited the compassion of many kind-hearted New Yorkers, and the would-be suicide was placed in comfort and given means to prolong the same. Since then, however, the “ would-be suicides ” have some- how or other lacked the sympathy they expected to receive. Possibly because they in sundry manners took good care that the police should be near at hand to rescue them, and mis- guided reporters on the spot to advertise them. One man, indeed, remained for three hours on the bridge last week with one leg over the rail before he managed to bring both police and reporter into the proper conjunction, and even then had to yell to them to save him from a fiery grave, as had he fallen he would have landed in the smokestack of a passing ferryboat. When rescued the story of “crying children and invalid wife at home ” was told, lacking. how- ever, an important particular necessary for a relief expedition. | The man had most unaccountably forgotten the address of his wife and babes, and the justice before whom he was ar- raigned simply remarked, “ Chestnut! Six months! Next case!" It is to be hoped that this new profession for tramps and others will not be cast into disrepute by any more such irresponsible creatures as the one above-mentioned. . . * NDER the title “ 4 New System of Life Insurance,” an English contemporary makes the following an- nouncement : THE PROPRIETOR OF ' TIT-BITS” HEREBY AGREES THAT HE WILL GIVE ONE HUNDRED POUNDS TO THE NEXT-OF-KIN OF ANY PERSON WHO IS KILLED IN A RAILWAY ACCIDENT, PROVIDED A COPY OF THE CURRENT Issue OF ‘TiT-BITS” IS FOUND UPON HIM OR HER AT THE PME OF THE ACCIDENT. This seems a good scheme on the face of it, but it has its drawbacks, In the first place nothing accrues to the corpse himself from his accident, and it seems to us that as he is the one directly interested there should be some provision made for him. Secondly, the proprietor of 77t-Zvts is delightfully vague when he says that he will give one hundred pounds to the next of kin of the Deadee. One hundred pounds of what? Is it money, or—as is more likely—a hundred pounds of back numbers of 77t-Bits? Third and last, the corpse must be found dead with a copy of 77t-Bits on his person ; a situation which long experience with our contemporary’s peculiar methods of scissor editing and royal disregard of credit, convinces us would be unpleas- ant for the most deceased of corpses. Acting, therefore, in accordance with an improved method, the Editor of Lire agrees to hand a cheque for $100 to every dead man who has a trace of life left in his body, provided only that application be made at the office of publication by the deceased himself, within two days subsequent to his de- mise. We guarantee immediate payment, without any formalities of law, if the above provisions be complied with. comicbooks.com