Life — June 11, 1885 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: LEGAL NEWS FROM THE HUB. Mrs, SULLIVAN WAS DENIED A DIVORCE FROM HER HUSBAND BECAUSE IT WAS SHOWN THAT SHE HAD EDLY “TREATED HIM WITH CRUELTY AND BRU- TALITY.” HISTORICAL SKETCHES. GENERAL KIMARAFF. ENERAL KIMARAFF, the hero of Afghanistan, is not a professional beauty. The last time his hair and beard were combed was during the Crimean War, and his head now looks like a chinquapin thicket in September. Moreover, his right ear has been torn off by a dynamite bomb, and he has broken off half of his front teeth by chewing soap-gourds, of which he is very fond. His face, which looks like sun-cured beef, still shows the traces of a load of squirrel shot which he got one night while serenading an Afghan belle. The General's voice is exactly like that of a Tom cat when deeply in love; and on the unlucky occasion referred to above he was warbling a war song in pure Russian, when the girl’s papa, thinking that a Bohemian cat was on the rampage in the back yard, suddenly fired the family shot-gun through the window, and the General received the load in his face. The musician at once quit singing and began to howl; but the how! was so much sweeter than the singing that the family thought the supposed cat had simply given his roundelay a sarcastic and defiant variation. After howling a few seconds, the General began to run, but the yard dog caught him amidships as he leapt the fence and retained a mouthful of gory dry-goods. The dog died of asphyxia two minutes after inflicting the bite. On the next day the Afghan belle tried to sing the Russian song which she had caught from the General; but in doing so she bit a hole in her tongue and sprained her throat. The old man swore that Russian is fit for nothing but for swearing at a rheumatic mule. One day while General Kimaraff was taking a walk, he killed a big snake with a brickbat, and the Czar sent him a diamond-hilted broad-axe as a compliment to his heroism. THE TRIAL OF THE DOLPHIN, A DELAY was caused early in the day by the discovery that one of the men had left a pair of old boots in the boiler. Soon after the fire was kindled the ship was filled with smoke, and it was found that a crow had built a nest in the smoke-stack. But everything was soon ready, and as soon as the engineer had put his quid of tobacco in his vest- pocket, a start was made. One of the cranks soon got very hot, but this was soon remedied by applying a poultice of crushed ice ; and two men were kept busy making such poul- tices during the rest of the trip. Things were running pretty | smoothly when a soft-shell crab climbed upon the propeller and twisted it out of shape, thereby giving a serpentine “double wobble" to the motion of the ship. The crab was quickly despatched with a club and another smooth start was made, when a sword fish ran his snout through the bottom of the ship, but the engineer stopped the hole with a cham- pagne cork and went ahead as if nothing had happened. After a four hours’ trip the poultice makers exhausted the supply of ice out of which they were making poultices for the hot crank, and the trial trip had to come to an end. The opinion prevails in naval circles that the Dolphin could be made a formidable sea-monster in times of war. She could be used most effectively by letting the enemy capture her and then sinking her with a load of buckshot as soon as her decks swarmed with the exultant foeman. In peace she could be rented out as a flat boat to some reliable ferryman. Retired Historian. EXTRACTS FROM THE LONDON SOCIETY PAPERS. ORD POMCHOMBERLEY took a Turkish bath last Thursday night. Tue Earl of Cornfield rode fifty miles on a bicycle one day last week, and is now so badly out of order that he uses a side-saddle in riding a horse. PARLIAMENT, on reassembling, will vote to give Princess Beatrice’s future husband a nice blow-gun and a gingercake horse. AN intensely interesting incident occurred at Windsor Castle a short time ago. The Queen was looking at the moon one night about nine o'clock. Suddenly, turning to an attendant, she remarked, ‘ What a beautiful moonlight night it is!" then strode with majestic dignity to her chamber and went to bed. THE daily papers are altogether mistaken in rashly stating that the Prince of Wales’ had an angry inflammation on the big toe of his left foot. Telegraphic advices from the best sources locate the inflammation on the little toe of the right foot. “Lazy folks take the most pains;" and therefore our public works ought to be miracles of painstaking.” comicbooks.com