Life — June 4, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-* LIFE: minutes he arose-to his feet, tucked his crutches under his arm, and walked to a neighboring saloon a well man! A most encouraging beginning! Now, if I can only fall sick so that I may try the cure on myself! May 24th. Hallelujah! 1 have a jumping toothache ; or, rather, what I should formerly have regarded as such. In the light of the Mind Cure, I recognize my malady as purely | imaginary. It is sheer nervousness and imagination. Must have an uncommonly vivid imagination to make the cap of my _ skull jump up and down as it seems todo! Will ask Jones about it. May 25th. Saw Jones. Said I was on the right track. Could n't have a better thing to test the efficacy of the Mind Cure than a jumping toothache. Asked him how long it took to effect the cure in my case. Didn't know; but I was pur- suing the proper treatment. By no means see a dentist— would spoil the whole thing, Pioneers in a new cause must expect set-backs at first. Look at Martin Luther and the Keeley Motor man—must have patience. Told him that Martin and the Motor did not have a jumping toothache. Said he had to see a man at the Hoffman House and hurried off. May 27th. No better. Have not slept for three nights. Live on soup and oatmeal. Saw Jones again. Says I am much better, although I don’t realize it. Must concentrate my mind on my stomach-tooth. Told him my stomach-tooth felt as large as an elephant, and had n't a thimbleful of mind left. The ailment was out of all proportion to the means of cure at hand. Jones said he felt all mind. Asked him to break off a tooth and apply his mind as a filling. Said there was a friend of his waiting for him at the Brunswick and drove off in a cab. May 29th. Worse. Have had to buy an 8} hat. Haven't shaved for a week. Find soup too tough to masticate, and live on brandy and soda. Jones always out when I call. Wrote me of extraordinary case of Mind Cure. Brown's creditors stood out for ninety cents on the dollar. Brown mind cured them into taking thirty-seven cents as a basis, and then slid out for Europe with $100,000 which he forgot to put down among his assets. Very remarkable, certainly ! May 31st. Am having a parrot time of it. Jones has not been to his office for two days. Looked him up at home. Found him wrapped up before a big fire with feet in hot water. Pneumonia. Asked him how the Mind Cure worked with him. He said it was a fraud—knew it was all the time. Took advantage of his weakness to force him to drink a bottle of ipecac and an ounce of castor oil on his table. Have thought since it was rather cowardly; but revenge is sever sweet. June ist. Been to a dentist; have resumed my No. 0 hat and regular rations. Sorry to hear that the castor oil nearly killed Jones. Will call and apologize to-morrow. No more Mind Cure in mine. Ovell, “I is hard for an empty bag to stand upright; " but it is harder still for a full man. 315 (IM)MODESTY. {Written after reading Professor Hill's article on ‘‘ English in the Schools," in Harper's Monthly for-June.] AM a modest little maid, Who thinks it more polite To bid a man “ good-evening ” Than bid a man “ good-night.” And if the human members Are introduced by him, 1 always call an arm an arm, A leg a “lower limb.” I am a modest little maid Who never goes to bed, But to my chamber I “ retire ” Most properly instead. And when the chaste Aurora Unseals my sleepy eyes, The act which some call getting up I designate “to rise.” I never speak of feeling sick, But say that I am “ill,” And being in my dressing-gown I style en dishabille, In fact, I always hesitate To call a spade a spade, Because, you see, I try to be A modest little maid. Robert Grant. HE following correspondence explains itself :— Sr, PETERSBURG. GENERAL KOMAROFF: StR—I send you this sword and 100,000 roubles, as a |. mark of my most signal displeasure. Should you again tran- scend the limits of your just authority I shall be very likely to repeat this punishment. Yours in anger, ALECK. Most MIGHTY CzaR: Your humble slave kisses your royal hand, and accepts with humility the tokens of his shame. Should the hostile precipitancy of the Russghans again force him into unwilling combat, he trusts, by a swift, retreat into the enemy's terri- tory, to maintain the sfa/us guo post. KoMAROFF, comicbooks.com