Life — May 28, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents, Back numbers can be had by applying to iso ice. Vol. I., 50 cents per number ; Vol. II., 25 cents per number; Vols. III. and IV., at regular rates. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. R. GLADSTONE would doubtless like to say with Hamlet : The time ix out of joint ; O curséd spite That ever I was born to set it right, but he can ‘t. It is not the time, but the Grand Old Man himself, that is dislocated, and public opinion inclines to the belief that he was born to set things most decidedly wrong. The Czar and M. de Giers have had matters all their own way, and the broad smile of triumph which illumines their countenances defies description, even in their own barbarous tongue. On the other hand, the English Government is trying to make the English people believe that they have obtained peace with honor, but the hardy Briton knows well enough that its a mighty small piece, and that the honor can hardly be seen through a microbe-scope. It's all well enough for Tennyson to poetize about the fleet, and call England the “lord of every sea,” because Tennyson's trade calls for an immense amount of license, and this Russian matter does n't require this particular “lord of every sea’s” attention. It requires a “lord of" diploma- sea for one thing, and a good, full-blooded commander-in- chief of land forces for another, not one whose field of action lies in making farewell speeches to embarking troops, and leading savage assaults upon London dinner tables. * . . Nw it is a hot journal that stands in the way of the Dolphin's acceptance by Secretary Whitney. Mr. Roach’s vessel has had such an H. O, T. of it, as the Hon. Bardwell Slote would have remarked, that we would strongly advise the builder to furnish his cranks, journals and pistons with a solid plating of refrigerating material. These unpleasant naval experiences should turn Mr. Whitney's mind to the other vessels in our fleet which may have been accepted by his less particular predecessors. It would be unpleasant for us if a hot crank or an over- heated jib-boom should make our navy come to anchor when the exigencies of war should call upon it to “ git up and git.” GAUSS BACTHERS & TURNURE, ART AGE PRESS, 70-79 FULTON STREET, N.Y. UR esteemed contemporary, Puck, is after us again, this time with a “Glimpse of Paradise,” showing a galaxy of high-minded saints awaiting the Editor of LIFE with most sanguinary looking caldrons of hot water and stuffed clubs. We must confess we are nonplussed. We cannot even take refuge in the time-honored / guogue style of repartee, for we are not sure that a reception of any kind awaits the Editor of Puck in Paradise. * * . E are informed that a gentleman well known in liter- ary circles has just been fined $400 for slapping a small boy in the face. We cannot but feel that here is a cloud with a silver lining. Of course such a luxury is beyond the reach of many literary men, who find their work barely furnishes them with the wherewithal to subsist,'and we must deplore the spirit which led an intelligent jury to put so high a value upon small boys’ faces, At the same time this decision fixes the standard of value by which the impecunious litterateur may hereafter be gov- erned. When it becomes necessary to the novelist’s happi- ness that a small boy’s face be slapped by him, he may pro- ceed or not, according to. his means. Anything which tends to settle finally standards, whereby values may be known, cannot fail to be of inestimable benefit not only to the literary world, but to the people at large. . * * NOTHER phase of the matter is the great and lucrative field it opens for the small boy. We doubt not that, were the experiment tried,.a company might easily be started to furnish small boys for the purpose. Volunteers for the service would be forthcoming, we are certain, in overwhelm- ing numbers, and if one-half the proceeds were put into a mutual fund, to be divided equally among the boys at the end of a given term, the other half would more than repay the managers of the concern for their trouble. Arrangements could be made with the American District Telegraph Company, whereby a literary gentleman could ring for a boy whenever he wished to slap him, and the messengers themselves, for a consideration, might be induced to under- take the additional labor entailed upon the slappee. We trust our rich capitalists will look into this matter, and not let the vast profit of such an enterprise go unreaped, and we especially offer the suggestion to the managers of sum- mer hotels, as every well conducted caravansary with all the modern improvements should acquire this latest addition to the luxury of the /terate, comicbooks.com