Life — April 30, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

T SEISSORS AT NLL THOUGHT HE WAS IN THE LADIES’ DRESSING-ROOM, E was a Western Senator, not used to fashionable ways, and was a guest at a Washington ball, Entering a bril- liantly illuminated suite, he suddenly stopped, backed toward the door, and in horrified tones exclaimed : “My stars! I've made a mistake !.” ‘“My dear Senator Blank,” said the hostess, hurrying toward him, ‘* what is the matter? You look ill.”” **Oh, nothing, nothing, only Iam sucha dolt! I came very near entering this apartment by mistake. Please pardon me, and show me the way to the ball-room.” Why, Senator, this is the ball-room. What did you think it was?" “ The—the ladies’ dressing-room,” murmured the Senator, mopping the perspiration from his brow.—Boston Globe. ROUGH ON YOUNG LAWYERS. “ HAVE you anything to say?" asked Judge Noonan of a pris- oner upon whom he was about to pass sentence in the District Court of San Antonio. “Yes, Judge,” was the reply of the prisoner, whose penalty had been assessed at imprisonment for life ; ‘I think that the time wasted in making that long-winded speech by that young galoot you appointed to defend me ought to be taken out of my sentence,"— Zexas Siftings. ean Sia EEE AEM 251 WISE IN HIS GENERATION, Frignp: “But wouldn't it- have been better, old fellow, to have chosen the least healthy suburb to commence practice in?” Bob Sawyer: ‘‘No, dear boy; nothing of the sort. This place is the stronghold of football, and the 're perfect whales at giving children’s parties." —Afelbourne Punch. ** How is that old family feud of yours with the Smith family coming on?” asked one Kentucky citizen of another. “It’s all goin’ our way. I'm left, you see, and part of brother jz is still on earth, but it goes about on crutches. Father, you now, petered out: over three weeks ago with a hole in his heart, and uncle Robert is up at the hospital, doin’ as well as can be expected for a man who has n't got any nose. Where have you been lately?” ‘Out of town, And the Smiths?” “Well, I don’t want to brag about myself and my relations. You just go up to the graveyard and turn to the right."—Brook- yn Union. ' MARRIAGE IN ArIzONA,—‘‘ Do you take this woman whose hand you're squeezin’ to be your lawful wife in flush times and skimp ?” “*T reckon that is about the size of it, Squire.” “Do you take this man you ‘ve jined fists with to be your pard through thick and thin?” “Well, you ‘re about right, for once, old man.” ‘All right, then. Kiss in court, an’ I reckon you're married ~ about as tight as the law can jine you. I guess four bits will do, Bill, if I don’t have to kiss the bride. If I do, it's six bits ex- tra."—Chicago Leader. HENRY HOLT & CO.,N. Y.,| Have just ready: Military Manners and Customs | By J. A. Farrer. 12mo. $1.50. A mest interesting and a scholarly work. How to Drain a House. Bouquet eset "Jacques Krakauer, Ladies’Tailor & Habit Maker, Cashmere Mth ean Has received the latest novelties from London a: Paris for traveling, walking a very fine line of Spriog Styles in goods suit- able for Riding Habits, Ulsters and Jackets. Practical information for householders. By Groxct E. Waninc, Jr. M, Inst, C. E., ete. 16mo. $1.25. “Should be in the hands of every man who owns a house or is about to build a house, © * * Ut is well worth the while of every householder toread what he has here set down from cover to cover.” —Boston Traxscrirr. At the Sign of the Lyre. Poems. By Austin Dorson. Sq. 12mo., uniform | : “VIGNETTES IN RHYME, $2.00. Joffe G. Carroll TAILOR & IMPORTER. In view of the increasing demand for garments of elegance and HIGH CLASS STANDARD of style, at reasonable prices, we are prepared to meet the emergency with an unusually select line for spring wear, acceptable to the most refined taste. Riding Costumes and Liveries in English Styles. - 166 Siccth lve., NEW YORK. Toilet Soap. Has the largest sale of any superfine toilet soap. Perfume novel and excep- tionally strong. Send four cents in stamps to Colgate & Co., N. Y., for sample cake. THE GENUINE FRANK B.CONVERSE THE FRANK B. CONVERSE Banjo Instruction and Salesroom, 6: West 42d Street, New York. "THE ANNUAL FARCE at the Academy of Design. Only open week days. Too funny for Sunday. Mr. Krakauer gives his personal attention to each cf his patrons. Orders from out of town attended to without delay. A perfect fit guaranteed with= out personal attendance. French.-German.-Spanish. YOU can. by ten weeks’ study, master either of these lan- quages sufficiently for every-day and business conver: sation. by Dr. Rich. $: Rosenthal's celebrated MEISTER: SCHAPT SYSTEM. Terms, for books of each lan guage, with privilege of answers to all questions, aad cor- tio of exercises. Sample copy, partl, 9s cts. Liberal to Teachers. Meisterschaft Publishing Co., Boston, Mass, Box 2275. | Henriette Frasine, ROBES AND MANTEAUX, takes occasion to announce that she'is in receipt of very choice novelties for Spring and Summer Costumes. 3 ‘Out of town orders receive special atten= tion. Perfect ft guaranteed on receipt of 233 West 22 Street, Mew York. Lundborg’s Perfume, Edenia. Lundborg’s Perfume, Maréchal Niel Rose Lundborg’s Perfume, Alpine Violet. Lundborg’s Perfume, Lily of the Valley. Lundborg's Rhenish Cologne. ~ comicbooks.com