Life — March 26, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: SCAR WILDE now advocates the abolition of the coat and vest. We suggest that Oscar be locked up in his room before he gets any further, . . T has been discovered that the New York girl speaks of her mother as Mar-r, with a jerk on the r, The Boston girl says Mummer and Pupper, while the Chicago girl desig- nates her parents as Pop and Mom. In Philadelphia Muthur or Mow-wer is the correct way of addressing mater-familias, while “ Power, bring me home a box of caramels like a dear old dad,” is a very common ex- pression. A ccc’ N exchange says : “Prince Bismarck managed to pick up $500,000 during his political career." This shows that in Germany politics are not as profitable as in America, where a Congressman who cannot pick up at least a million in a single term, is considered unworthy of his office. . . . c¢ AH, me," sighed Mrs. Spriggins, “I knew this drinkin’ would bring dissolution onto old Mr. Jinks. He's been committed as a hopeless invertebrate. That ought to be a warnin’ to these debauchees at the shrine of Bacchus!" | * . . “a alr HE horseshoe crab, a scientist, “has no special jaws, the thighs answering the purpose.” When the horseshoe crab cheers, he doubtless indulges in a hip, hip, hurrah. * . . HE bee can draw twenty times his own weight. This proves that the bee, in exercising his uncomforta- ble habit of hitching himself to a man weighing 150 pounds, clearly overestimates his athletic powers. . . . R. CLEVELAND has decided not to appoint ex- | President Hayes Commissioner of the Hen-Roost. Mr. Tilden’s hand is traceable in this. AT ERUSAL of Mr. E. W. Howe's latest novel, “ The Mystery of the Locks,” fails to disclose whether she wore false hair or not. . . . MAN up town advertises the “ Opera Stables.” presume this is where the hoarse voices are kept. We . . . HEN we see all our fences taking unto themselves a glory of color which would cause a crazy quilt to pale, we may know that the greatest show on earth will shortly be in town, THE MUSIC OF THE FUTURE. [A SYMPHONIC POEM IN BLACK AND TAN, BY PENNY WHISTLER.] Y brain is very weary, And my heart is very sore, For the Music of the Future With its mathematic score, Has broken«hrough my tympanum And T can bear no more, Perchance I am not musical ; Perchance I have no ear; It’s certain if the thing goes on I soon shall cease to hear : But even deafness has its charms Before a cannoncer! I dream of Brahms and Wagner And Liszt and Raff, and then, I toss upon my pillow For other kinds of men, Come stalking on my vision : Phantoms of evil ken. Those Nihilistic Scowskis Whose names no man can spell; Names fitted not for human jaws But for the jaws of Hell; Those Scowskis swoop upon me, With fierce Sclavonic yell! This wakes me,—and I thank the gods That Wagner sings to them; I pray that Russian dynamite May hoist those Scowski men ; That Dvorak may be soon embalmed, Or else put down his pen. I pray the coming of the day When music shall enchain, The listening ears of mortal souls Without a twinge of pain; A Music of the Future, say, 'Twixt Brahms and Belle Heléne. LITERARY REVIEW. “ OW to Get Strong” is a sequel to “ Ten Nights ina | Bar Room.” The author recommends cloves, car- damon seed or snake root. For sale by all druggists. HE first New York Mounted Rifles held their annual reunion last week. The Thirteenth New Jersey Infantry Double-Barrelled- Shot-Guns, will hold their first. meeting since the war next month. Comicbooks.com