Life — March 19, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Se + [YLEASE TAKE NOTICE: With the exception of the Tallapoosa and five or six other men-of-war that ven- tured too far out or in too close proximity to our national enemy, the coal barge, I have at least kept the Navy afloat. W. E, CHANDLER, Ex-Sec. . . . HE Tribune asks “* Why the bark was abandoned?" We give it up unless it was because the dog was shot. * . . T is rumored that Mr. Ingersoll, in spite of his pronounced disbelief in a warm hereafter, has given orders to have a case of the newly-invented hand-grenade fire extinguishers buried with him. . * T is pleasant to learn that Bauer, the gambler, has gone to | the penitentiary. 3 This shows Justice to be the joker which can euchre the gambler by transforming a right Bauer in the right place to . a badly left Bauer, * . W E do not wonder at the prevalence of dynamite in Eu- rope. When a man with such an explosive name as Von Blowitz is allowed to go free and untrammelled, then is the time for nations to tremble. ig * . * ERMANS are going out of fashion. An Italian was held at the Police Headquarters last evening. . . . SYteroe off is as much a part of Lent as it is of New Year's, That of Lent is preferable, because it does not last so long, and the attendant perjury is less in proportion than that of broken New Year's vows, When we deprive ourselves of asin at New Year's, we make up our minds to drop it for the year, and affirm to that effect. The affirma- tion holds good for ten or-eleven days and we then grow weak, cast sheepish eyes upon the act of unrighteousness, declare it a petty and harmless sort of a sin, after all, and without much ado once more adopt it for general use. How different the dropped wickedness of Lent ! we are not to be separated from our sins forever. And we find the pleasure of anticipation almost equal to that of in- dulgence. How great is the satisfaction of the man who has success- fully battled with temptation for a period of six weeks and has held off until the seventh! And how utterly immeasura- ble is the measure of delight at the recognition and resump- tion of former little ways that were dark and tricks that were vain when the term of our vow has expired ! For ourselves, we have sworn off on spring poems, a fact which contributors would do well to read, mark, learn and inwardly digest. We know | TWO PICTURES. H, Grandma, you were prim and prosy, You were no rose-bud, just a posy. You never talked of soul or passion, You knew no mill save one for grinding, No Locke that was not used for binding. Well, Grandma, that was then the fashion. How changed! your Beth (you called her Betty) Devout La Rochefoucault, Rosetti ; She smiles in yellow, gray and scarlet, Feels Earth and Heaven interwoven In Chopin's nocturnes or Beethoven. Ah, Grandmama, old Time’s a varlet. And yet her lips are just as smiling Her eyes to me as sweet-beguiling As yours to Grandpa, Am I stupid? With all her art, I think her artless, With all her soul she can't be heartless. I'll read her from the works of Cupid. “ HELLO, my boy!” cheerily exclaimed a gentleman to a little fellow who was dragging a sled up —— street, “How do you enjoy yourself?” “By sliding down, sir,” was the prompt answer. MEDICAL MEM.—Because a man happens to be possessed of “a constitution of a horse,” it by no means follows that his physician is justified in treating him like an ass. GLIMPSES OF PARADISE, No. 5. LADY of high degree finds the social atmosphere of the Celestial world most uncongenial. The vulgar herd fly gaily about in their shining robes, and are treated with as much deference and accorded the same honors as people of the highest birth. To her horror and disgust she finds there are no “first cir- cles” or “ best families,” and those of her relatives whom she meets in Paradise take an ignoble pleasure in the society of persons of the lowest origin. Not a few of these very ones whom she snubbed upon earth are now possessed of wings, while she is denied them for years to come. Certain of her ancestors whose names are the pride and glory of her house still linger in Purgatory, and with little prospect of getting out. Her outraged pride revolts at these violations of the very principles of society. Her soul is filled with bitterness, and she wanders wearily about, a voluntary exile from the companionship of the | rabble. But her period of probation is over ; a pleasant surprise is in store. An angel from another sphere is sent by the powers above to act as a counsellor and guide. “ Bridget !" “Yes, madam,” comicbooks.com