Life — March 12, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

R. EDGAR FAWCETT says of the Buntling Ball : It is a most sprightly work. It gave me more than one hearty laugh. This confirms our belief that Mr. Fawcett is the author of the Buntling Ball. . . . HEY are going to teach Journalism at Cornéll. Mr. Dana will be asked to lecture upon the “ itor- ial Advantages of a Cat.” Mr. Reid will undertake a course on “ Euphonic Spelling” and “ Truth in Campaigns,” while Mr. Pullitzer will deal with “ Vulgarity as an Element of Suc- cess.” . . . R. DAVID DUDLEY FIELD objects to the termina- tion ville in the names of our cities. It is now in order for some Villain to get up and denounce the termination field. Turn about is fair play. * . * ANNOUNCEMENT. CAE WILLIAMS, who has been absent from duty for some weeks, may now be seen at his club as hereto- fore. . . 2 i R. GLADSTONE having been found not guilty a vote of censure will probably be passed on the Mahdi. It scems to us, that the blame, by right, should not fall upon his shoulders. . * * ‘Tt all-powerful gentleman who is at the back of the Sunday Closing League, which shuts the doors of our museums against the poorer classes on Sundays, shows a brave spirit of resistance against all assaults of progress. When the closed museums are finally opened, and this much opened individual is shut up, there will be much rejoic- ing in our midst. . . . OCIETY will be pleased to learn that the popular Harry Hoopidudey, who swallowed the head of his cane last week, is doing much better than was expected. The news of the charming Charley Vanderhyster, whose limbs were frozen last Sunday on Fifth Avenue, is not so encouraging. The doctors fear that amputation just below the covert coat will be necessary. . . . HE Century announces “ The Capture df New Orleans by Admiral Porter and George W. Cable.” We were aware that Mr. Cable had a strong hold on New Orleans, but we had no idea that he and Admiral Porter had captured it, HOW A PIN DID IT. 1 Now. it came to pass in the days when the children of the city of Gotham had set up the goddess of fashion | in all the high places that there dwelt a maiden who sojourned with her mamma in a pleasant thoroughfare of the town. 2. And the name of the maiden was Eliza Jones, and she was passing fair ; albeit her figure lacked the roundness then in vogue, and somewhat marred the symmetry of her person. 3. And the maiden was sore vexed and grieved in spirit, and would have gnashed her teeth if they had not been too good to gnash. 4. And she arose one day and said to her mamma: “Lo! lama fright. Men will not look at me. I have been in society two seasons, and no one has offered to take me as his wife. It is because I have no figure. Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!” 5. And she wept all day, and her nose became grievous ted, and, behold! she could not be comforted. 6. Then her mother, who was plump and comely, and, moreover, had a husband in Wall Street (one of the sylvan retreats of the city), arose in her turn, and gathered around her the wise women of Gotham, and she lifted up her voice and spake unto them, saying : 7. “Confer among yourselves. Whosoever of ye that shall make for this maiden a figure, which shall be fair in the eyes of Gotham, shall but name that price which unto her seemeth good, and she shall get it.” 8. And the wise women of Gotham departed, filled with a desire to please, and they said unto one another: “ Behold, she who wins will have a soft thing.” 9. And when three days had passed none had found the figure save a pert young handmaid called Louise, a daughter of a certain Felix, born in the wicked city of Paris. to. And Lor came into the presence of Eliza Jones's mamma, saying: “ This thing hath thy servant done; yea, even a figure has she found for the maiden Eliza. It came yesternight from Paris, and lo! I say unto you, it was smug- gled into Gotham free of duty.” 11. And the mother and her daughter gazed, and their souls rejoiced within them, and they said: “Ha, ha!” which in the language of the day meant, How very nice ! 12. And Louise, taking up the figure, said : “ Behold, it is a simple thing. Incline your ears to listen to me, and I will explain. This bodice is of gutta-percha, strong and supple. The tube you gaze upon shall. be blown through, until the bodice, which must be worn beneath the robe, is full of air. Remember that I say unto you that it is air tight. Take care, and behold, it will be well with you.” 13. And Eliza wept with joy. Then she took a purse filled with nickles, and cast it to Louise, saying: “ Eat, drink and be merry, for it is well earned. Be not afraid nor cast down, for when this figure wears out I will have another,” 14. Then she tried it on, and, behold! she was exceeding fair, and her form was lissome to a degree. And again she said: “ Ha, ha!” in pure maiden gladness. 15. And the sons and daughters of Gotham, when they saw Eliza, cast curious eyes upon her, and said: “ A minx! aminx! An artificial minx!” comicbooks.com