Life — February 19, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AS DORSHEIMER SEES DORSHEIMER. STUTTERING ** Bill” Travers took Dorsheimer out fora drivé out of New York. Travers got out at a ‘‘ half-way” hotel and gota drink. ‘* Who's that in your wagon, Bill?” asked a crony standing by. ‘‘Oh,” said Travers, *‘t-t-t-that’s ex-Lieutenant Governor }:D-D-Dorsheimer.” “Why,” said his friend, “IT had no idea he was such a big man.” ** Y-y-you ought t-t-to see him as he t-t-thinks he is,” responded Travers as he left the bar. —Philadelphia Record. “1 'm down on roller-skates,” said a young lady while with a party of friends the other afternoon at the candy store. “ Yes, I noticed you were yesterday when I saw you at the rink. You seemed to be down most of the time.” And then all the spite- ful sisters of Eve giggled at their innocent sister.— Yonkers Statesman. A WRATHFUL reader and the urbane journalist: A fierce sub- scriber—' Sir, cuss your paper! Send it to h—.” Editor— “Thomas, change the gentleman's address. If Uncle Sam makes connection, you'll find your paper there."—Arkansaw Traveler. Mrs, Jones—'' Yes, boys do sometimes turn out to be fast young men.” Mrs, Smith—*‘ That is true, but I don’t think that my boy will ever be fast.” Mrs, he's a telegraph messenger boy. “Indeed !" Mrs. S.-—"* No, Boston Courier, 111 ENGLISH AT THE UNIVERSITIES. First Undergraduate (reading out): ‘*Will ‘this do, Gus? ‘Mr. Smith presents his compliments to Mr. Jones, and finds he has a cap which isn’t mine. So, if you have a cap which is n't his, no doubt they are the ones. Second Undergraduate : ‘Oh, yes ! first-rate."— Punch. sax. Govtp's little boy recently went to visit some country relatives, Early in the morning he arose, and, missing his uncle, asked one of his cousins : “Where's Uncle Jabez gone ?"” ‘* He’s gone to water stock,” replied Jabez's little boy. “+ What, so early 2" exclaimed little Jay Gould. ** Why, my pa never waters stock until he goes down-town in the city, ‘bout To or 11,"—Pitisburgh Chronicle, TAKEN OFF His GuARD.—Landlord (to agent for firm of wine- growers): * How is it you sell your red native wine dearer than the white?” Agent: ‘* Do you think we get the color given?” —Bargerscitung. CoLoR-BLIND.—Mr, White (to a passer-by): ‘ Halloa, friend Brown, where are off to at that speed?” Counselor Black : “Mein Herr, you mistake ; my name is Black.” Mr. W.: ‘** Ah, I beg a thousand pardons. You see I am color-blind, and mis- took you for my friend Brown."—Aannigfaltiges. A Wett-prep Huspanp.—Friu Gumpelmann : “I say, Gum- pelmann, what ’s the meaning of this? An Austrian family num- ers on an average $.04 persons ? Just explain it by our family.” Herr G.: ‘* Ahem, the § of course stands for you, and as we have four children, the figure 4 is accounted for.” FriuG.: ‘Well, and what about you?” ‘1am the 0,"—Schwdébischer Merkur, THE PUBLISHERS OF LIF OFFER UNUSUAL ADVANTAGES TO THOSE WHO PROPOS Booxs, PAMPHLETS, CATALOGUES, CIRCULARS, ETC., AND WHO DESIRE WORK OF AN ARTISTIC ORDER. ESTIMATES GIVEN, AND BOTH TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS FURNISHED IF DESIRED, ISSUING ILLUSTRATED HENRY HOLT & CO., N.Y. | aren | Cashmere Bouquet Toilet Soap.) | Has the largest sale of any superfine toilet erfume novel and excep- tionally strong. THE CIVIL SERVICE| IN THE UNITED STATES. [From the Reports of 1884.) Containing a Catalogue of all pon-Elective Posi~ tions, with the Compensation of each, and full information in regard to the Open Competitive Examinations under the act of 1883 ; also a De- | scription of the Civil Service of the States of New | York, Massachusetts and their Municipalities, under recent laws. By Jonw M. Comstock, Chairman of the United States Board of Ex: iners for the Customs Service in New York City, Large 12m0., $2.00. soap. Send four cents in stamps to Colgate & Co., N. Y., for sample cake. | JACQUES KRAKAUER, Lavixs Tatox ano Hasit Maken, 19 E.atat St., N. V.,and Belleone Ave., Newport. Has removed from No. 29 East asst Street to No. 19 East orst Street, same block, two doors from Broadway (East). Would respectfully an- nounce to the Ladies that he is now receiving the latest Spring novelties for Walking and Carriage Cos- tumes. Special attention paid to all orders sent by mail. A perfect fit guaranteed &. without personal attendance. “The Best Practical Art Magazine" Is The Art Amateur, which gives, monthly, from 30 to 44 folio of working designs (with full instructions), illustrations and information relating to decorative and pictorial art, Invaluable to ama- teur artists. Home Decoration & Furnisuinc. (Expert | Advice Free) Instruction in China, Oil and Water-color Painting, Wood-carving, Etching, Dress, &c. Art Needlework Designs from the Royal School, South Kensington, a spicialty. The Art Amateur includes among its con- tributors Theodore Child, Clarence Cook, Edwa Strahan, Roger Riordan, Camille Piton, Benn Pit- man, Louise McLaughlin, Constance C. Harrison and Mary Gay Humphreys. Subseription, $4.00 a year; 35 cents a number. Specimen ‘copy’ a5 cents, {/ this advertisement mentioned. | MONTAGUE MARKS, Pablisher, THE 28 Union Square, N.Y. | PAJAMAS AND Cavanagh, Sanford & Co., Merchant Tailors and Importers, 16 West 23d STREET, Opposite sth Ave, Hotel, MAKERS OF Ge$ THE GENUINE FRANK B.CONVERSE = THE FRANK B. CONVERSE Banjo Instruction and Salesroom, 61 West 42d Street, New York. OUR SPECIALTIES. Ricty Bound ano Itiustratep Girt Booxs STANDARD AND MISCELLANEOUS LITERATURE. Stationery ror FasMionasie Society. Wepoinc, Recerrion ano Visitinc Caros. Picroxtat. EXGRAVING ON Steet PLATES. GEO. R. LOCKWOOD & SON, blishers, Booksellers, Stationers & Engravers 812 Broadway, New York. NEW YORK. SHIRT UnpeRwear, | comicbooks.com