Life — February 12, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FEB, 12TH, 1885 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 50 cents per number ; Vols. II., III., an IV., at regular rates. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. HE English Government cannot be too severely con- demned for its warfare upon our esteemed fellow- townsman, O'Donovan Rossa, and we have nothing but words of indignation for the lady who shot the great patriot. The British Administration in sending out this last expedi- tion to make war upon an American citizen in his own home has far exceeded the bounds of propriety, for it is evident that neither the Queen, the Premier nor any member of the Cab- inet has considered the inevitable result. Our laws require that the Emissary shall be incarcerated and tried for an assault with intent to kill, and none can tell but that it may become necessary for Lord Wolseley to be re- called from Africa and sent over here on a Dudley relief ex- pedition. But we can assure her Goodness Graciousness, the Queen, and his Prime-Premiership, Mr. Gladstone, that the New York Tombs will be a much harder fortress to storm than Shindy, Whoopituppi or Tickatac; that a march up Broad- way in the season when our Police Commissioners’ are con- testing their claims to office and neglecting the condition of our streets, is a much more serious thing than the much bragged of march through the desert; and that our own Seventh | Regiment boys are much more warlike in appearance than | the festive Arab, for even Solomon, in all his glory, was not ar- rayed like one of these. And further, we are amazed that the English Government should send out an Emissary for the purpose named without first teaching her to shoot. Five shots and no mortality is a sample of that wilful waste which breeds woeful want. It is to be hoped that the Prisoner fully appreciates her position, and that the next time she attempts anything of the sort she will do it well. . . . S John Fahrenkrug, fifteen years of age, was playing cards with his brother Jacob a few days since in Chi- cago, the latter playfully pointed an empty pistol at him and pulled the trigger. The empty pistol, contrary to the usual custom, failed to explode. Not so with John. He seized a rifle lying near and shot Jacob in the head, “nearly blowing the top of his skull off.” We are informed that John “rushed from the house, and is almost heartbroken.” The only lamentable thing about this occurrence is that John should feel badly about it. If he should go through the country and blow off the heads of that entire army of brainless idiots who think it “funny” to snap empty pistols at the rest of mankind he would do a vast amount of good. * . . E present to our readers this week a sample page of the N. Y. Daily Model. It combines the salient features of all the N. Y. dailies and cannot, therefore, fail to be a success. We commend it to the lovers of New York journalism, * . . «¢ QOCIAL Stock Watering,” is the subject of an editorial in the Washington Repudlic, By this is meant the assumption by a man of a title which does not belong to him, such as Judge, General, Colonel, or the like. The Repudlic says truly that this practice is ridiculous and contemptible, and should be tabooed by the press and people of the country. Of course, in the Southern States, where a man is born with a full colonel’s uniform on his back, and where every person one meets is a Major or a General, it is all well enough, but when it comes to the frequenters of our Na- tional Capitol assuming a title if they have it not, the custom should be nipped in the bud. We remember a celebrated law suit here in our own city where it was a much mooted question as to the exact rank of one of the parties concerned. He had the eye of an Emperor, the forehead of a General, the cheek of a Commissary and the air of one who was commander-in-chief of the earth, with a few planets in subjection. The fact that he himself could not tell whether he was a Marquis or a Police Commissioner retarded the progress of the case to such an extent that nearly all the jury showed symptoms of second childhood before it was discovered that while pretending to be anobleman of high and low, with every intermediate degree, he was of no greater rank than a Ken- | tucky Colonel. The same is true of our Municipal officers. We have had Mayors enough within the last month to stock a horse- car stable, and of Boards of Aldermen, Corporation Counsels and Police Commissioners there has been no end. It should be made a penal offense for a man to assume a title which does not belong to him, and if it is as hard work for him to read his title clear to the offices on this earth as it is to mansions in the skies, he should be compelled to drop all his flummery, and come down to plain but honest Mr., even though his name be as unadorned a one as John Smith. ~ comicbooks.com